A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for almsot 5 years. We started going out young. But recently we both have gotten caught up with college and exams or in my case college and work. We recently have not been able to go out on dates or spend alone rime with each other. When we spend time together at school, I feel like I dont know her sometimes or I dont feel excited. I just go through the motion because all she wants to talk about is school and what she learned. I try to not talk about school because since we are so distracted by it already I didnt want out convos to be about it as well. Yet I want to spend time with her or just have an exciting date with her but school or work get in the way between us and its sucked the energy away from me. When I kiss her I dont feel it...when I hug her I dont feel it. Before I would get aroused doing either but now it's just not happening. Recently we had some new hires at work and theres this cute girl that I kinda been just talking with and it feels exciting. I just want to keep talking to her. Now I know realistically she doesnt want no part in me and a couple of my co-workers say im flirting with her. Now I, personally, dont see it that way just I can just talk and have to deal about school or work. Just kinda talk about life in general. Now the other day I kissed my girl and the thought of my new coworker came to my mind.Thats a problem. I know this girl prolly sees me just as a coworker and I feel so energized seeing her and hearing her voice its stress free. Her eyes are oh so pretty and...I now catch myself thinking about her.I know this is the product of my recent slump in my relationship. I just want to fix it. My girlfriend and I have barely enough time to squeeze any time for ourselves and she has a crucial exam coming up so I know I wont be seeing her around for a while. I just wanna have that spark with my g.f again. The kinda spark I feel with the new girl at work.how can I make it work while we both have school and work?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 If you want ideas what to talk about, it could be plans for winter break, or something else to look forward to. You have to express yourself to your girlfriend that you would rather talk about something else because just hearing about school makes you feel trapped. Maybe she can spend 10 minutes talking about school and then for the rest of the time she can think of something creative, or healing to do. Sometimes you can't rely on your partner to give you the spark. You could make her an exam care package with brain boosting snacks. You can offer to massage her. Always be a person who has something to give rather than being needy. Train your eyes to see your girlfriend as if every time is the first time. She's stuck in school mode. After a few years she would be a totally different person. It's a challenge of balancing the act of just focusing on the present moment and at the same time thinking about the big picture. She could be the person to spend the rest of her life with you, and studying hard right now is a part of preparing for that future.
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