A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together since May. Its not a long time, but we really like each other, have similar personalities and have been spending a lot of time together (4-6 nights a week on average) so it feels like we've been together for much much longer than 4 months. The problem is that I'm starting to feel... settled? I feel like we're a married couple. Both of us are at work, he has school on top of that and has to travel every once in a while, so before where we would spend the entire evening together, now he just comes over at 1130 and we go to sleep. He doesn't last that long in bed, but he'd always take the time to turn me on enough beforehand to make up for it. Now its just like whatever and I don't think we've had sex in weeks... first he had to travel for work for 2 weeks and when he came back I had my period so we couldn't have sex either (that's never stopped him before!). He even says is ahead of time.. I'll come over, but I'm so tired I just want to go to sleep. I thought it was just overwork and wanted to get away for the long weekend so we can spend time together and we started making plans, and now its too cold for him and he doesn't want to go, and he might have to work on Labor day, so its not going to happen. I almost feel like the relationship has turned into companionship instead of a relationship and we're acting like we've been together for years through the same routines and haven't bothered to wonder whether he really like each other. I just don't know if I'm interested in it anymore. I know that the honeymoon phase fades.. am I so unsatisfied b/c its fading or b/c I'm not into the relationship/him anymore?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 He needs to spend more time with you, and both of you need to spend time being intimate again.
Intimacy is more than just playing around and engaging in sex. Its real conversation, laughs, and mutual enjoyment.
There is something else going on in his life right now, maybe he's not saying what it is. It could be stress from work, stress from family, or it could be someone else that's competing for you, like another girlfriend or an ex-girlfriend.
The only way you're going to get to the bottom of this situation is to confront him head on and ask him what's making him so stressed and tired.
If you can work on getting him to share these things with you, then maybe you can help him and in the process bring the two of you together.
That's a start. But whatever it is that's bothering him, its not working out for the two of you. Saving a relationship is important if you have a great deal of emotional energy invested in it. It seems that you do.
Good luck.
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