A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hello dear Cupid my problem is this I just recently graduated from high school and I saved up some money so that I can move in with a friend. we both moved to a college town and we plan to take one year of just working so we can find ourselves before we start college.we both signed herself up to an online site so that we can meet other people. we tried meeting people face to face but since we're not really bar hopping or anything like that people basically think we're crazy when we meet somebody in a restaurant or out at the mall or something and try to get people to hang out with us. when we signed up for the online site, we made it very very clear that we were looking for friends only. we stated that we wanted to hang out and be friends, we said we wanted to meet new people and that we were not a lesbian couple looking for a 3 Way. there were a couple people that we spoke to, but the problem is that every single person who contacted us was either a man or else it was a girl with a boyfriend who wanted a three way.. there seem like there was two people who appeared to be promising we had some nice chat, and we were actually going to meet up at Subway. when we showed up to meet the first girl she had this guy with her, which was fine, but they had already ordered and it was just really awkward when we sat onand tried to talk. as soon as we were finished eating, we have been talking about where we wanted to go and the guy kept pushing and pushing to go back to their place. my friend and I made it clear again that we would only be meeting them in public and they still kept pushing to find out our last names and where we lived.we weren't really sure about this couple but when we went to leave a message for them, the guy pretty much asked if we chickened out and then a couple days later the girl emailed us and ask what her point was in meeting them if we weren't planning to go to a hotel or to somebody's house. with another person we were talking to, we just hung out at the mall and walked around and I thought we had a good time. we made some plan to go to an art museum and then have coffee so we can talk. those plans didn't pan out, and the guy over the phone finally texted us with "so when are we going to fuck?"I guess I'm just really confused here. my friend and I are going out of our way to be careful and that seems like a huge turnoff to people. is it really that unreasonable not to want strangers at our house or to know where we live?is it really that unreasonable do not want to give out our last name or to not really want to give our phone number? again we made it clear that we just wanted to be friends and hang out, why are there so many people who think they can push their way into a three way or something sexual? neither one of us were allowed to date we were in high school nor do we want to. how then are we supposed to make friends if the people we meet want to remain strangers? neither one of the party is that really the only way to meet somebody?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): You clearly chose the wrong site.Maybe try www.meetup.com ? It's more a site for group activities so hopefully fewer people looking for sex.Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2015): Get rid of that account. Whatever you've been on clearly isn't working. You just going to continue to meet weirdos.
Where are you both working? Please don't tell me at the same place! You're going to be working with people for the majority of the day, so these people can become your friends. If there is someone or a few people you get along with; perhaps ask them what there is to do after work as you're new in the area. If they go to an exercise class then you could ask to go along too. People won't want to hang out instantly, you need to have things in common.
It will get easier when you study again, you can arrange nights out or dinner around your place with the people you get along with and it's easier to make friends from uni/college because you're a similar age with similar interests and spend more time together.
Looking for friends online just isn't working out, people are getting the wrong idea no matter what you say. Start joining some hobbies and you'll probably make friends a bit easier xx
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (26 December 2015):
I don't know which website you're using but I get the impression it's one that lets you search for "friends" as well as looking for dates/hookups/relationships too. My experience with these "one site serves all" types of websites is that the majority of users will be looking for some kind of sexual contact despite what their profile says.
I think you should take your profile off this site (especially given your experiences thus far) and forget about the internet as a way to make friends but if you really want to continue then only respond to people whose profiles state that they are not looking anything apart from friendship. Don't respond to people who say they're also looking for relationships or hookups because most of the time they WILL eventually start pushing for more.
You are perfectly right to refuse to give out personal details but there are so many people who flout these recommendations that people will still push for it. Ignore it. If they start being pushy in any way - decline and then wind the conversation up politely (invent an imaginary saucepan that's about to boil over or something) and then block them from contacting you again - they are NOT what you are looking for. Don't worry about "being rude" by just dropping off their radar - they aren't your friends yet and it's a fact of life that many internet connections just peter out like this.
The best places to make friends are through studies, work, place of worship and hobbies. You don't have to be a huge party-goer or clubber to have a good social life. My suggestions:
1) Place of worship or religious group if you follow a faith
2) Joining a volunteer group
3) Join a gym class - yoga, pilates, martial arts
4) Learn how to tango/salsa/waltz/morris dance
5) Join a choir
6) Join a local amateur theatre group (you don't have to be able to act - plenty of stuff goes on backstage.)
7) Check out a local arts or music cafe or stand-up comedy club on their "open mic" nights and support some local talent. They often have lots of regulars who you will eventually get to know if you go regularly.
8) Libraries and museums often have arts events associated with them too so check them out
9) Any kind of hobby group - photography clubs, history societies, walking groups, anything that tickles your fancy.
And be open to the idea of making friends with a wide age-range. You might not be looking to make friends with people in their 40's and 50's but they might have kids or nieces and nephews who are in your age-range who you may eventually get to know.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Sweetie, you and your friend probably lived very sheltered lives. You also not only share a home, you share an account. On what's almost ALWAYS considered a dating site. Have either of YOU tried to contact anyone on there or are you both waiting to be contacted?I know you've tried approaching people in public places and you mean it innocently, but that's creepy! When I'm trying to eat, read, or look at art I am actually pretty annoyed when people try talking to me. I would definitely think it was weird if a stranger-let alone two-asked me to hang out.You are being smart by prefering women, but I'm not surprised that people think you're looking for dates or sex. You're being smart about not wanting to give out too much info and wanting to keep it public and group activities. But you come off as desperate because making friends isn't that hard. By doing virtually everything together, you're not independently finding yourselves. What are new activities YOU want to try? Wall-climbing, yoga...? ,find places in town that offer those things. Also, it will be easier when you start school because you can join a ball team for fun or join other student groups. That way, you WILL be hanging out automatically. Then you can feel out someone to have coffee with or fo something free with. Another solution is to think of how you two met. At chur h or school? Making friends as an adult is not as easy as asking some girl in your math class to a birthday party or to go swimming. You need to be already involved and have something in common! Do you to go to church or have one you're interested in checking out? If not, join one and if you like it, get really involved. By working a pantry orhelping out with the nursery or any church activities you will automatically meet people who probably dont party or push dating.It sounds like you're trying to hard is all. Erase your account because people think you don't mean it when you say you just want to be friends. As for those people who kept pushing to go to their place? They don't respect boundaries. You're not missing anything.
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