A
female
age
30-35,
*kyelovesindie
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year and a halve and we have always argued as have our personalities. I met him when i wasn't very confident but a few years later i developed my confidence which led to me actually asking him out. I had always known he had crushed on me and vice versa, but i never even thought on acting on it, the flirting was just something for me to wake up to and encourage me to go to school.Then a few years later we started going out, i was confident, perhaps over confident. I really liked this other guy who had slowly become my friend but when i started dating my boyfriend i didn't talk to him as much.My relationship had been really good at first but i was never completely honest about my life and my family hang ups. It was so good, we were adventurous and i felt like nothing could tear me down. I never had really close friends because i changed school a few times so being able to spend so much time with him made up for that.I never thought we would last this long, as a matter of fact i never really thought about it. But we did. But our relationship was always with arguing. Maybe we pushed it, didn't go slow enough. I got to know his family which is hard because i have so many issues with mine. But he pushed so hard to meet my family. He has a different socio-economic status compared to me but he has always been so understanding.Then we got more comfortable with each other and i met his dad on new years eve. My boyfriends dad was over protective and saw me as a bad influence. I don't know if that was true or i just have issues with father figures. But then my boyfriend accidentally hurt me and i was really upset so we ended up arguing about how controlling his dad was. And then we got back and he was upset and wanted to break up. We had been dating for three months and then we made up. He cried and it hurt so much then he told me he loved me. Thats the first situation where he did something that hurt me but i felt like the bad guy.His parents are divorced and i have always felt like he has these unrealistic relationship ideas and that's why it has been hard. And i know that i have attitude issues due to everything i have gone through.He has always been borderline jealous of the guys i talk to. I don't always get along with girls i would prefer to hang around with guys because they are more upfront and less judgmental. He always accuses me of flirting or liking other guys but he always is the one who acts like that not me. He is the one who actually acts on his feelings or idealistic thoughts.Like when i found out he liked this girl. She had gone to his primary school and when i asked he would say shes just a friend from primary school. But she isn't his friend, she never talks to him. Then he got a myspace and added her but excluded me. He didn't see this as a problem as much as i did. I see this as a problem because he was communicating with her but i wasn't being accepted online by him. I couldn't help but think what other people would think. It hurt a lot.We fought when i found him out and he tried to break up with me and said he wasn't good enough for me. It just ended in a lot of crying. But we got on with it.Then a few days ago we were really happy then he went to a friends older brothers 18th and he told me he wouldn't drink. I was really hurt because he didn't invite me and he told me it wouldn't be my thing. This hurt the most because he had become a tag along in the past year. I would be invited to a party but they would automatically invite him. He didn't like me going to parties especially on my own. And he was annoyed when i had had a little bit of alcohol.So i felt it was really hypocritical that he broke his promise about drinking and he didn't let me come.We were completely fine though. I gave him his space when he went to the party, i didn't call or text him at all until around 2 in the morning. His phone was off so i was worried because he had started charging his phone before i left his house at like 7 or 8 so i didn't believe that his battery had drained.Then i called him at 11 in the morning and his phone was still off. Then he called me and confessed about the alcohol. I got annoyed and i hung up and then he ignored me for 5 hours then rang me and told me its over and that he wanted to still be friends.So then i went to his house to get my things and he already had my stuff in a bag. Basically it was like my life with him could just be packed up in seconds and thrown away. It hurt so bad. Then i cried and we talked and we broke up. i got on the bus but he kept texting me. then i got home and at about 10 on that night he told me he wanted to stay together. Then he mentioned that he had talked to this girl at the party. And it was so horrible he told me how smart and beautiful and interesting she was. I wanted to yell at him but i wanted to stay with him. The words beautiful and smart hurt so much how could he go into detail like that. the way she laughed and how he had gotten his friend to talk to her. and then we said we would try but later in the week he told me it wouldn't work when he didn't even try. On that Monday i sat down with him and his mate came over and was like hows you know who and how little jilly* and did ya get a number mate. I walked off and i wasn't even allowed to be angry. He does something i get dumped i feel like the bad person. why!i love him and he is the most important person in the world to me. he has given me so much. so many opportunities, so much hope and joy. he even gave me ambitions and confidence but he has hurt me so much.The worst things that i have done are to do with my personality , they never are intended with malice. his are. or seem to be. like walking away from his because i have to do something,getting angry,shutting my self away from his as well as my life. But these are just flaws we were over it all until he went to the party. He came back unhappy, maybe because he had a good flirt and saw what he didn't see in me anymore in her.But i reckon that sometimes once your in a relationship for so long you know each other too well.And its not that you've changed its that you've become comfortable with each other and become lazy.But i love him so much. what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 You are very young and your relationship is a clear reflection of the immaturity in both of you. When you are on and off again like the two of you are, this is a sign that it is a childish relationship and that unfortunately you will not last long term.
I'm not too sure what to advise you here - you claim you argue all the time, he has hurt you, you dont get along with his dad....I could go on with all the bad things you have listed. But all you have said for good things is that you love him and that he has given you ambition and confidence - not really the best reasons to stay with someone.
You have to go with what feels right in your heart - if you cannot see yourself being with anyone else and love him more than anything then you will try and make it work. If he has hurt you too much then cut off contact and move on. If I were you I would probabaly end it, it sounds like you are on and off again too much and you seem to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best in each other.
But make sure that if you do end this for good, you must cut off contact and stop seeing him. None of this "lets be friends" nonsense - this doesnt work when it is your first love. The break up has to be a clean break from him without keeping in touch as this will just prolong the pain.
Make sure you do what feels right for yourself - no-one else can make this decision for you.
Good luck!
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