A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused. Something very strange is happening to me, and I really need an explanation.I met someone that I have been talking to..l will call him XX and me used to work together and were always good friends, he moved to another town , but we kept talking because he is a great conversationalist. The problem is that I am thinking about him, even in my dreams about him, and missing him when he is not online to talk. I never initiate conversation, but I do enjoy talking to him,and I think I have a crush on him.BUT he is ALL the opposite of what I look for in a man, and I am all the opposite he looks for in a girl! He thinks that feminism, is the ultimate evil, and women should not "waste time on careers and become wage slaves for the state", he thinks a woman’s best place is raising her family and supporting her husband. His dream is having his farm and living from the ground. He loves guns, Is conservative thinking. He graduated high school, but thinks college is for losers and that college girls are bimbos, he has an entry level job and doesn’t own a house.I was born outside of America, we are not conservative about things like birth control (where I come from birth control is free and sex ed. is a regular class everyone takes with no permission required). We are encouraged to become professionals, and so I have this mindset. I will be starting law school with an academic scholarship on the fall, and I have very good grades and I will also be working as an assistant on a law firm. I am completely in love with my career, not ready yet to raise kids I usually date guys that have ambition and drive, as these are very important qualities for me, and I love educated guys. Usually it is very important for me that a guy pursues his higher education or pursues a dream or a goal in life.I am the complete opposite of what he likes or looks for usually, i believe. I am quite feisty and challenge him constantly. We have similar values and morals, but our ideals are completely opposite. He compliments me all the time on how smart or what a good conversationalist I am and we sometimes joke around that he would date me. Honestly, it scares me out of my mind that I would date him too. I am not sure why, I am younger than him by around 6 years and even at this point I make more money and have my life more organized than him( I own two houses overseas, have a spotless driving record / credit history..). Somehow I keep thinking and fantasizing about him.Why am I feeling this way? I've never had the need to pursue a man, and I am into guys to make the first move. I also have a part time job.I consider myself smart and educated and guys that are smart turn me on like no other. He did not go to school, but sincerely he is very well-read.I am not sure why am I feeling this way.The worst thing is that I have a serious boyfriend who I love and I have a satisfying relationship with him (sexually and otherwise).Still, I am not sure why I keep getting so aroused by X! I am going to move to his city because the law school is right there. I will not see him there because temptation is dangerous and while I would never act out on my feelings… I think not meeting would be best. Even though, honestly I am dying to see him again and keep talking face to face! I just want to know why am I feeling this way... Honestly, I do not intend to cheat on my boyfriend and I would break up with him, if I did not see this as just a crush. It is just that the sexual attraction I feel for this guy baffles me, the fact that he stimulates me is driving me insane. Why am I feeling this for a guy that is not even my “type”?I have not confided this to anyone, and I would really appreciate some advice.Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): You are feeling this way because it's fantasy. You aren't dating him or building a relationship with him...things wouldn't be so rosy then! Right now his conflicting life goals and values don't threaten your own and they carry no consequences.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 If I were to have serious relationships with all the men I had crushes on, my life would be a disaster. Nature intends us to add variety to our genes. It would make sense to you that the more mixed a person is, the more the baby is going to get the best assets from both parents, while incest brings on problems like birth defects caused by inbreeding. Nature does not care whether your relationship would work out or your lifestyle would be compatible. So I guess you have to tame the part of your brain that tells you the other guy has good genes for your future baby.
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