A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got problems please help!Over a year ago now, My hubby and I were only having sex once a week due to hubby getting a giant workload so we decided to make it special and naughty!We put porn on and dress up all sexy in a school uniform and we dirty role play, the first few months were hot and sexy and intense, but then our fights increased and we ended up throwing some real sexy secret stuff at each other(me ok it was me :( )I turned 40 this year my youngest started kinder and I feel old and unsexy and useless!So what's happened is instead of it being one hot night together it's kinda the ONLY times together!I've expressed this, admittedly mainly in fights.So theses past few months the night comes around and I dress up we put on a dirty movie and he won't talk to me he won't start it! I apparently fucked it by throwing shit in his face during fights, I also got told I need to put in more effort than just turn up!!!Aren't I??? Letting him watch other women feel throat ffs dressing up like a dirty school girl?!? So I sit there embarrassed, shy a little uncomfortable ;(Hecasks every week are you sure you want to?And I say yes because 1- I'm a little drunk2- I want him to think I'm fantastic and sexy and hot3- I love how he looks at me dressed like thatWtf do we do I feel like I just want him to want me for me but then knowing he wants to watch porn and role play makes me feel guilty that I'm ripping him off Help please?!?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 February 2017):
 I think you need to sit down and talk about your feelings. Don't throw them in his face during a heated argument because it comes out wrong and it makes him think he is doing something wrong, and well he is not, you started this and now you feel your self esteem getting lower. Speak to each other. You need to communicate and tell him your fears. He is your husband. Take things slow but do be honest with him and don't forget to ask him how he is also feeling. It is not nice throwing sexual insults during an argument therefore talk to him. Get everything out in the open.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): I think your problem is that you are conflicted about your own feelings in what you want out of your sex life.
First I will say that back when you were "just" having sex once a week-- nothing is wrong with that!!!! That is a very regular amount, especially for couples who are in long term relationships, once a week is quite good! So I wonder why you felt the need to "up" that number? You shouldn't feel pressure to be sexual ALL the time. Sometimes sex is even better if you wait a while to build up to it!
Next I will say, you cannot blame him if YOU have decided to dress up for him and YOU put on porn in the background and then later in fights you get mad that he was turned on? Sorry, but you designed it for him to be turned on!
I would stop putting on porn. That is one thing that is upsetting you and there is no need to use it when you and hubbie are having sexy time. Yes it will turn him on, but I'm betting that just you alone will turn him on too.
As for role play, it sounds like you actually did enjoy it while you are doing it, so why get mad later?
Of course he is going to find it attractive when YOU dress up as a waitress, flight attendant, bad school girl...you name it. He is still looking at YOU even if you are playing a little game. It is sexy because you are acting out something different, but really you are still yourselves. There is the idea in his head that you are strangers meeting for the first time, yet it is YOU his beautiful wife taking on a new role. He doesn't know what you are going to say or act out, so it adds excitement.
I do understand how too much role play can cause you to feel like he just wants sex with the strangers you are pretending to be. But men are built to like variety/ excitement, if that is what you are giving him of course he will like it.
What I would do is just make sure not to role play too much. Have sex as just YOURSELVES mostly. Then you can dress up for him now and then and vary it up (if you want to).
Finally, try not to be insecure about this. You ARE hot and attractive to him, that is why he enjoys you in different costumes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Stop the role playing. Stop with the costumes.
Have a nice night with your husband. Candlelit dinner. Just the two of you. Reconnect. Laugh. Share. Touch each other. Caress. Hold. Kiss. Just be...
And then.... have him make passionate love to you.
Don't have sex.
Make love to each other.
That is what's missing.
Hope I helped. :)
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (11 February 2017):
 Remind him that sex doesn't equal just lust... It's a display of love and passion, and you sitting by, just playing a hand in his looking at porn in order to get his rocks off isn't working for you anymore. You want sez with LOVE.Obvs if couples want to spice things up, they add variety... HOWEVER if one person isn't on board with something, there needs to be communication, sex should be MUTUALLY enjoyable and fulfilling fir both... Otherwise go and masterbate right? I dont understand how people can be so self centred, dismissive of the needs of someone they love... You're upset and UNDERSTANDABLY uncomfortable with him requiring porn and role play to have a good time...I would not want to be with anyone with these qualities... No where near them in fact.He should be tying to meet your needs and console you... You're lovers and partners. Talk to him and be honest how he makes you feel, and that you don't want your times to be based on props and porn. If he isn't understanding, caring about your feelings why did you even marry him in the first place??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2017): Sounds like your authentic self or true to yourself and that deep down you resent that he needs to look at other women to get excited . Although others may tell you porn is fine , personally I find it a major turn off and insult if a man I'm with need to look at younger women sticking things in every hole while he is with me just to get turned on.If sounds as if you did everything to make him happy instead of doing what you truly wanted and yoh resented it and this finally spilled over .I think the only answer is to stop trying to be what you think he wants or what he thinks is hot. If he doesn't love you for the woman you are then perhaps he isn't the right fit for you, and if that woman happens to be a woman who wants a man who doesn't need porn sluts then honour that woman and find the man who will honour that woman
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