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male
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*avey
writes: I have been in a very intense relationship for just over a month and have just been told that we're 'incompatible'. I just can't understand this. This girl has been very intense from the start. She has an 8 year old daughter who I think she is quite over-protective of. She has been telling me that she wants to marry me and have a child with me - this was only about 2 weeks into our relationship. I had almost moved in with her - spending about 5 nights a week living with her. She has told me that she has never felt like this with anyone else and really loves me. Then a couple of days ago she said she needed the weekend to think things through and the upshot was that she finally said we were 'incompatible' although she could still imagine marrying me and having children with me and that she loves me. She said her heart tells her one thing but her head another and that she is leaving me 'to protect us both'. She also said that she doesnt feel 'ready for me'. She said that she still wants us to be friends but doesn't want to see me for a week. I received a text late one night (only the day after her saying she doesn't want to see me for a week) and in it she said that she doesn't want me to respond to it but hopes that I'm OK and that she's thinking of me... I have read it so many times, analysing it! Do you think she wants to get back with me or is she just being caring? She knows I love her more than anything - I spent one afternoon at the weekend crying and pleading with her... Should I contact her or is it really over?? I would appreciate some female replies to this please - perhaps some from those with a young child?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Hey Davey,
Well went to the party, she arrived but I was allready in conversation so took about 20 mins for me to realise. She didn't take anyone else and we exchanged pleasantries a few times. I went to the kitchen to get another drink and then sat on the door step outside to get some fresh air, and guess who arrived and sat next to me about 2 mins later,...... yep you got it.......my ex!!!
Anyway we spoke for about 10/15 mins then I went back in. I was dancing and fooling around with the guys then she mooched up to me and we started dancing!!!
The end of the night was weird, I walked her home, which was about a mile out of the way, with my arm around her all the way, then when we got to hers she asked me in. I said 'No' not going there unless sure it was all back on.
Anyway had a few emails fom her but it's like we're just work coleagues or old college buddies, so what does this mean????
Hows things your end by the way?
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male
reader, davey +, writes (2 May 2006):
davey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, sorry I haven't replied. I haven't been in contact with her at all and don't intend to. I'm going to wait to see if she decides to contact me, which I doubt. I made it abundantly clear to her about my feelings and if she really feels the same way, it's now up to her to contact me. I can't keep chasing... the ball is and has been firmly in her court for the past month... I'm sorry if that's not much help in your situation... but good luck my friend! Just tread carefully that's all I'll say...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): Well, wats happened I really need to know how things go and if you have any advice for me as I have just been invited to a party next weekend and know for sure she'll be there and don't know what to do as I know I WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP MYSELF FROM LOOKING AT HER. Come on help me, respond please.I don't know if she's taking anyone ie. male friend and don't know how I will react if she does arrive with one, especially when there's going to be an abundance of alchole flowing!!!!!Davy??????
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): do I assume you have seen/contacted her and all is going well which is why you havent been in touch?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): Well whats happened?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): DavyWhat's happened, am I to assume that you followed my suggestions and am now back in ouch and so much happier, therefore not logged on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): Davy,Did you read my previous message?Well what's happened, should I asume that you did in deed contact her and your back together which is why you haven't replied.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): Hello again Davey,Have you seen her at all, has she seen you? How did you/her react.Not long after I split with my ex I saw her and it was awful, I just wanted to hold her and tell her how much I missed her. I think we were both shocked at seeing the other though. Why don't you go to wherever it was that you first met and see what kind of reaction you recieve if you see her. You could then text or email her explaining how awful it was not being able to talk to her, and how she was looking well, and that you would like to catch up as FRIENDS, no strings. This may be what you need, to establish a friendshp with her cause doesn't sound like you really knew each other.Is it likely that you may bump into her leaving work or would it be suspect you walking past her office just at the right time?Good Luck mate hope you win her back!!
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reader, davey +, writes (26 April 2006):
davey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi male reader,Well, as far as an update goes... she decided that it was definitely all over. I'm certain that she was still unsure when she was saying all this to me, but she felt it was best. About a week later I asked her whether she was absolutely sure that she wanted me out of her life and she said that she was... Naturally, I was distraught (again!). Since then I have heard nothing from her and very much doubt whether I will. Yes, I do still want her back... but she would have to contact me... She made it clear that she didn't want me in her life... but yes, of course I'd have her back...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): Evening Davey,
I was just wondering how its all going since you posted this a few months ago. Have you got her back or rather do you still want her back? Sounds like she was pretty mixed up to me. Im not female, nor do I have any children but have had similiar eperiences in the past and was interested as to whats happened if anything.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (25 February 2006):
 I think that she has probably been really hurt in a previouse relationship, maybe by the fater of her child, she has built up a wall and may have been determined not to have a seriouse relationship until she meet you and that has just sent her head spinning.
When someone has been really hurt it takes ages to get over it and when you start a new relationship you set up defence mechanisms to protect your heart as you remember all the pain again, this may be what is happening.
If you feel the two of you have a future, if you feel there is a connection between you and you want this woman in your life then persevere, life is full of ups and downs and sometimes the most difficult relationships are the ones that last the longest.
Try to get to the root of the problem with her, tell her you are trying to understand why she blows hot and cold and that you are willing to take things at her pace but that you dont want her to give you false hope, ask her if she feels your relationship could develope over time and take it from there.
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reader, davey +, writes (24 February 2006):
davey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply smeedle. Last night my gf called me and told me that she didnt and had never loved me and that the whole thing was a tissue of lies. I told her that i couldnt believe what she was saying but the more she said it the more I got convinced. Then after having put the phone down she turned up at my doorstep and told me that she had lied and that she did in fact love me and that she as just trying to make it easier for me... She now says that she definitely does want us to be together but to start again afresh as we went too fast. After what Ive been through I have lingering doubts but she seems to be speaking from her heart. Should I be very wary of this girl? Do you think she has the potential to drop another bombshell on me in the next few days. I told her that I couldnt go through what Ive been going through the last few days again. She said she understands this. What do you all think?
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reader, smeedle +, writes (23 February 2006):
It is hard to say what she is thinking, your relationship is so new that she may just have woken up to this and is pulling back due to realising she is committing herself and her daughter to a seriouse and committed relationship.
Relationships that last take time to build, initially when it is all new you want to spend as much time as possible with each other, then you settle down into a more stable routine and start the process of really getting to know each other.
She may just be doing this, slowing it down so you can really know what you are about and remember she does have a daughter to think about, moving in a man should be because she is ready and knows the relationship will last or it is not fair on her child to get to bond with you only for the relationship to finish as fast as it started.
Give her space like she asked and if she contacts you again, suggest you continue to live at your house and she at hers but you take her out more and visit a few times a week so she gets time to see her daughter and you get time to see your friends etc, dont rush things there really is not need.
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