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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I need help, My ex is in london and I'm in another country and I was planning on giving up everything to be with him, and for us to be together, but then we broke up out of the blue and I'm in serious pain, but I still would like to go but the pain of being in the same place as him, where our plan was for me to get there and work as I'd get a good job, and we'd be able to travel, and finally be together.We would have had eachother, and I was, we were so excited. and from one moment to the next my world crashed.I'd like to go but what do i do with baring the pain of what We had initially planned for us and our apartment and the promises, when that would be the happiest move of our lives.What should i DO? It was a long distance relationship and I have a feeling that If he were to see me he'd want me again, but im not keeping my hopes up, what do i do? when london reminds me of him, and of what we had?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 July 2006):
 You don't say on what you're basing your hope that he'd be interested in getting together again, but if it's a possibility, can you plan a short visit to London to talk with him in person about it?
Don't make it a 'reunion celebration' in your mind, but book a week's holiday to see whether there's any chance with him.
One difficulty with long-distance relationships is that, unless you've been together in the past, you never get a very true picture of the other person. You only see what they want to show you and this man may not have been showing everything.
I have a sneaking suspicion that he didn't want a relationship in 'real life' and was enjoying a fantasy. When it was plain you were on your way, he panicked.
There's no basis for my suspicion, but give the possibility some thought anyway, and decide how it makes you feel if it might be true.
If I'm completely wrong about what was going through his mind, then consider visiting him to talk through what changed his mind, and then see what your next step is. However, bear in mind that when people make a choice to sever a relationship, it's very hard to talk them out of that choice. So please don't get your hopes too high.
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