A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some sound advice...I have been a relationship for almost 1.5 years now. My boyfriend loves me a lot;and i love him a LOT too.But our relationship seems to be self - destructive...its a long distance rel'ship for one. And two, we keep on fighting all the time over the most stupid things! But all this fighting is getting to me...even though we always make up afterwards.Plus...we will be in a long distance rel'ship for another 2-3 years as i'm studying and then both of us will be working in different places...there's no choice as we want to build our careers..I don't know if i should stay with him or not...When i think about leaving him...i feel physical pain...is that weird?The thing is these fights are just becoming worse...even though we try not to...and we hardly meet each other 4-5 times a year...sometimes it just feels like the whole thing is worthless...What should i do??????//
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, i guess you are right.
Patience is not one of my biggest virtues...especially coz the place where i am studying is very competitive...
HE tries being patient but both of us have a bit of a short fuse. For instance, y'day we had another fight (and my sem exams are going on)...i decided to let things go...*wonder how i did that* and well; he himself apologized after a few hours...after which things got *ahem*
Anyhow, thank you guys :):)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): I'm in a ldr too and have been in similar situation too and almost broke up with my bf..
We had been fighting constantly for weeks, then a huge fight, also he was stressed for his exam at that time, so we decided to break up. We didn't talk for a week and we both just couldn't take it any more and he texted me saying he miss me a lot. But as we didn't want to fall back into our painful fights/make up cycle, we decided to take thing slow. We started to patiently listen to each other, provided the one who is expressing is being calm and objective, but not accusing each other. Though we still have small fights time to time, I feel like we are trying to resolve problems now instead of like before, just make up and fights again for the same problem.
I hope you can find a way to resolve the problem with your bf. My advice would be try not accusing him or make him feel bad, try to say you understand why he did a certain thing and you know he doesn't mean to hurt, but you'd feel better if he not do it/express in other ways. Understanding and patience is really important, don't lose you temper even though you feel frustrated, but make sure he's trying to solve the problem between you two too.
Also, I think even though it'll be years more of ldr, if you two still love each other, why don't try it? you never know if yours will be a successful one. I mean even for a relationship that is not long distance, you cannot tell what will happen too even though the future "seems" to be more foreseeable.
anyway, good luck to you! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): i know how you feel. im sort of in a ldr at the moment too and we have a lot of fights, most of the time over stupid things that wouldnt happen if you were together with the person. and lately for me to it has been getting worse but i cant ever leave him as i love him and just like you when i think about not being with him it hurts physically, its a pain i cant stand. when we fight we always make up but sometimes i feel like he is drifting away from me and i dont know what to do. i cant bare the thought of being without him.
if you love him, my personal opinion it not to leave him but it depends on how you feel and if you think you can stick to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question:(
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (24 October 2010):
2-3 years of LDR is a very long time, especially on top of however long you've been in a LDR up til now. I've been in my share of LDRs for much shorter periods of time, and even that was tough, and most of the times we broke up.
Fighting is much more difficult. It happens a lot more often, and is much harder to resolve. The relationship doesn't bring much happiness, since there is no physical aspect (no sex, no cuddling, no kissing, no eye contact). So it's easy to fight. Then, when a simple hug could probably resolve the fight, instead, the fight goes on forever and probably goes off on a tangent when communication is misunderstood since it isn't in person.
With such a long time ahead of you, I would advise breaking up. In these 2-3 years, you could have boyfriends where you are. You could go on dates again and spend time together hanging out. If you stay, you'll be stuck at home having phone dates or talking on msn. And your life will sort of be passing you by. I know it's hard to end it when you care about each other, but it is probably for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo how do i stop the fights?
Its really affecting my studies...suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): nobody ever said that ldr were easy!! and not everybody can handle it, since you need lots of commitement toward your partner . i am in ldr so i know what im talking about , its hard since would rather if ur partner was next to you all the time and kiss him and everything , but thats nt the case , thats why u need to be patient if u really love him , every relationship has its ups and downs and thats normal , its just some kind of test to see how strong your love is ,
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut i don't want to leave him....
Aargh.......:(
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female
reader, First  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 If u think ur bf loves u and u loves him woo so why would u leave him?
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