A
female
age
,
*llen3
writes:I had been going out with my boyfriend for over 5 years, we had planned to marry, we are both divorced and have children for our previous marriages, we moved in together last year, i have my 14 year old son living with me, four weeks after us moving in together my partners 17 year old daughter came to live with us, it put a strain on our relationship, as his 17 year old and my 14 year old did not really like each other, i discovered my partner had been out with another female, he went out twice with her, when i said it to him he said, there was something missing between us, i dont know what that was, as we were still sleeping in the same bed, so after 5 months of living together we split up, a few weeks ago he phoned me and aksed me out, we have been dating again, and are getting on really well, but i dont know what the future holds for us, as i dont think we could go back to like before, by that i mean his 17 year old and my 14 year old, i would really like for us to have a future, but dont know what the answer is, could you please helpThank You
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (24 July 2007):
 So he's decided now that there's nothing missing from what you previously had together? Is that the message here? It could be that he couldn't handle the stress your kids are bringing into the relationship and he was looking for an escape. I would wonder if that's the bandaid he typically reaches for when something is bugging him. He's stressed out at work -- he has a fling with his secretary. The kids are driving him crazy, so he meets an old g/f for drinks and has sex with her. You need to find out why he cheated in the first place because it's possible he'll do it again when the going gets rough. The kids are still going to stress you both out. There are no easy answers there. Perhaps a family meeting will help. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): Very few men are totally monogamous. It's a fact. It's all to do with nature's programming him to spread his genes in as many different directions as possible. Same with animals. One male, many females, just like in a pride of lions or a bunch of chimpanzees.
What would surprise me most is if he's only got ONE other woman!
Phil
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 So the question really isn't "Our kids don't get along," but "Should I date this man again," right?
If the situation were just about the kids, you could manage a relationship. The 17 year old will probably want to move out in the next few years (for school, maybe).
But, it sounds more like there are trust issues. That, to me, is more important. Let me get this straight, he went out on two dates with another woman while the two of you were living together? And he didn't tell you about it? And you were still sleeping in the same bed, presumably because you didn't know about the other woman?
By the way, he may have said it was just a date and nothing happened with the other woman, but that's not the point. The point is that he was out with another woman, on a date, and you were left in the dark about it.
So, if I understand the situation correctly, then that is messed up. So messed up. That would be a *very* big sign to me NOT to date him. If he cheated once and after 5 months in the relationship, then what would he do after 5 or 10 years? I would be too scared to commit to him, so I wouldn't date him.
Just because someone wants you doesn't mean you should want them back. I know it's intoxicating to feel wanted/needed, but don't let that make you weak. There are many more men out there.
Good luck.
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