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female
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anonymous
writes: i was only 14 and he was 17 when we first fell in love. i felt like he was my everything, we only dated for 10 months, but we've known each other for only 2 years. during the time we dated.. i started to get really moody, and i guess i took him for granted. i know that i cared for him a lot.. and i remember i would say really harsh things that i didn't mean. i knew that i loved him.. but it was pretty ironic how the way i treated him.. i always made him cry and stuff. so after he put up with me for another 6 months.. he finally decided to leave. after a month.. he got a new girlfriend. oh.. he lived 2 hours away from me too.. and he would drive down every week to see me. well, anyway, he would still talk to me every 2 weeks or so. then.. i heard he was going to the army.. so i asked him if we could hang out for the last time because i didn't see him for about 8 months.. and at the same time.. he's been with her for 8 months already. so he agreeed to hang out. he's not the cheating type, and he hates drama yet.. when we hung out.. things got heated up. well, in the beginning we acted like friends.. but towards the middle of the day.. we were flirting.. and we acted the way we did when we dated. we even kissed.. it was a nice and slow kiss though.. i don't know how it happened, but i know he still tells me that he loves me, and i know he wouldn't want to come back to me because of the way i treated him. i notcied.. that when he's with his gf.. he's a stronger man, and when he seems me.. he's weak. it's vise versa for me too. i know that he still has feelings for me deep down.. but i scared him for life because of the way i treated him. recently.. his gf talks to me and ask me questions. it was because she found out about the day me and him hung out. btw, i'm only 16 now, and he's 19 and so is his recent gf. at this moment.. his gf thinks that my ex still has feelings for me, and she's also in love with him. she couldn't understand how he could stick around with me for so long.. even after the way i treated him. my point being.. what does he want? i think he's being selfish for making me think he still has feelings for me, and yet he's with her. his gf wants to sit down with me and my ex to make things clear.. she said if he still has feelings for me then she's steping back. i told her she doesn't need to because even if he does have feelings or does not.. me and him aren't ever going to happen again. i do believed that i've improved, but i know i can't change completely. i do want him back, but i don't think he would give me another chance because supposely people can't change, but i told him it's ok if he doesn't believe me. before he left to the military.. i told him.. if we were meant to be, then it'll happen later on. even though i really love him deep down inside, i'm also happy for him because he's with a really nice girl, and it hurts me, but i'll have to learn to move on and maybe meet someone better. but what i don't understand.. is.. if he's moving on then why did we kiss even after he's been with her for almost a year? his feelings are still there? yet he's scared to come back because of the way i treated him? he also told me he wanted to be best friends.. and we promised it to each other too. i made him cry so much, and yet he still wants to be my friend, but i'm sure his gf would not approve of that. his gf is really jealous of me right now. i feel that maybe she's afraid that he might come back to me. i don't know what to do.. it's been almost a year, and i thought we wouldn't be talking anymore after ehe left to the military, but his gf can't get her mind off about me. she's starting to not trust him, but i told her he would never do this again, and i know he wouldn't, but for some reason.. everytime he's with me.. things just happen. we both want to be together.. yet we are pushing each other away. it's like.. our heart wants to be together, but our brain is saying no. i don't know what's going on. would we end up together later on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): He's being selfish?? I'm having a hard time understanding why you insisted on seeing him one last time, knowing full well he had a gf for the past 8 months and he was trying to move on with his life. You said it yourself and I quote,
"So I asked him if we could hang out for the last time because I didn't see him for about 8 months.. and at the same time, he's been with her for 8 months already."
Why would you even do that? Sorry to be harsh here but I think this clearly has to do with on;y what you wanted, and all about your ego! So who is being selfish? You treated him like crap when you did have him so he pulled the pin. Most guys would! Then he finds another gf and yet, you had to see him one last time? Why didn't you just leave him alone? Why didn't you just respect his new relationship? What were you really trying to do? Some woman behave like this..when they find out their ex bf has a new gf. They need to interfere..their egos need some form of reassurance, that just perhaps..this guy still has feelings. The feel entitled to disrupt, to hurt others because only their feelings count. What about his new gf's feelings? It shouldn't matter what he still feels, you both were through..done...kaput! I gotta say, this smacks of a cold, calculated manipulation and coercion on your part. I think that it was your 'ego' driving your careless, unthinking actions here, dear. You need to move on and find someone else to share your life with but first, realize...no good quality relationship is a place where one's 'ego' over rides all clear, rational thinking. Work on that first and leave him and her alone. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Well what is going on? Your ex boyfriend has moved on and is in another relationship with a girl his own age, his girlfriend is not going to let him go just because she knows about you and your past relationship with her boyfriend. You are concerned about how thier relationship is affecting the two of you getting back together and you seem to have issues with the fact that he would be cheating on her to be with you.
Your ex still has feelings for you, but that does not mean that he wants a relationship with you, perhaps because you are so young and only 16 he does not want to hurt you by cutting you out of his life, although it would be best for you right now if he did so as you are clearly not over your feelings for him.
Stop beating yourself up over the way you treated him in the past, he has obviously forgiven you, but he has moved on, and the best way to keep his respect is to step back and not interfere in their relationship....move on, stop thinking and obsessing over this and get active in your school projects, make friends and enjoy being 16.
He is probably not the love of your life, but a past friend, savor his memory, stay in touch if you want to, but do not live in the past, it is over, and you need to start enjoying life again without him in it.
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