A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:More of a friendship problem. I had a really good friend, for about five years. Then he got a girlfriend (I have a long term boyfriend). Our friendship was always based on banter and being cheeky to each other. As soon as he gets a girlfriend, he starts acting differently towards me. Almost unkind. So I ended up deleting him from my phone because he upset Me so much (I've recently been diagnosed with depression so can do without people making Me feel bad). I haven't heard from him since (about three months) and I haven't contacted him since either (we live in different areas). But now I miss him but can't forgive him. Do I keep the silence? I don't want to bug him with "you've been a jerk" messages. I haven't met his girlfriend. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2014): Perhaps he felt the need to end your friendship, or distance himself, because he has a girlfriend now. While this doesn't excuse him being a jerk, I can understand a bit.Before I was in a relationship, I would be flirty and a bit wild with some guys. But when I started my relationship, I had to nix that in the bud. Not even because my boyfriend ask, but because I had respect for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2014): Let him go
I was in the SAME position. We were so close, I deeply cared for him, then he met a girl and then he just started acting like a jerk and cut me out of his life. You are better off, he will only hurt you
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 You might have thought he was a good friend. He thought you were a girl he could get cheeky with and banter with but was not interested in dating. He has enough sense to realize the new girlfriend won't like the new boyfriend indulging in cheeky banter with another girl.
I'd just stop considering him a true friend and devote yourself to nurturing the real friendships you have.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I'd let it go. A friendship based on "cheeky" banter ?... I guess it means it was flirtaceous. Some Gfs would not be ok with the banter in itself, imagine with the
" cheeky " - read flirty, sexy or even just cutesy part !
Probably she nixed the continuation of cheeky banter, or he decided on his own that it was inappropriate or that he did not want to risk rubbing her the wrong way etc.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 You make it sound like you thought you were supposed to become his 'girlfriend' and not his friend that is a girl. But then you add that you already had a longterm boyfriend. I am as confused as you apparently are as to who you thought he should be. Take care of your depression but don't hold him responsible for you hurt. It may just be that you brought this on yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I'd let him go, to be honest. He isn't a very good friend if he thinks that he can be unkind whenever he has a GF. He could just have told you that when HE is dating someone he doesn't think the same banter is appropriate. If this is hi MO EVERY time he gets a GF.. then he really IS just a jerk.
Though if he was ok with the banter when YOU are dating someone, I find it a little odd he thinks it's no longer OK because HE is dating someone.
My guess is he REALLY like his GF and either SHE has mentioned that they way you two talked wasn't OK, or he just didn't want to risk anything by keeping you around.
My guess is.. YOU are good enough to have around when he is single, but when he has a GF you are "discardable" and that says a LOT about him.
Let the jerk go. Who the heck needs "friends" like that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2014): What I find a bit strange is that he didn't introduce you to his girlfriend - seeing as you were just friends. Are you sure this 'cheeky banter' you and him exchanged wasn't flirting? Perhaps you thought you were friends but he felt differently - its a fine line. Having a new girlfriend has given him conflicting thoughts and he needs to set boundaries. There was no need to be rude of course to you - he could have just behaved like an adult about it. My boyfriend had a female friend. I say 'had' because he used to go to the cinema with her every week. When I came on the scene I found it a bit strange that I would go to the cinema with my boyfriend at the weekend and she would go with him in the week. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable and it was raising a lot of people's eyebrows actually. He didn't handle it well. Instead of introducing me to his friend they now don't speak - though she instigated that and (in his words) had her nose put out about it. To this day I don't know why there was such an issue that I never met her. Do you think his girlfriend is not comfortable with your 'cheeky' relationship? If I were in your shoes I would just stick to female friends - its a lot less complicated ;-)
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