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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I'm in trouble...need your help,please ! My parents don't like my sister's boyfriend very much. They've known each other for 6 months. My parents have ever met him just only one time. It's a bad impression of my mom. I think it's caused by nationality. He is real Thai while my family is real Chinese. Moreover, this guy is younger than my sister. I understand the opinion of mom and the situation of my sister. My sister is very seriously and sensitively to this matter. She cried and cried every day. I understand her but I also couldn't find the way out. I'm not dare to talk with my mom as well. Could you please share me some ideas about this problem ? It gonna worse and worse. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jane87 +, writes (10 July 2005):
invite him round to tea, sit your parents down get them talking. just show them that nationality means nothing if they're serious about eachother then they should respect them both no matter what.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (10 July 2005):
 First, you say that you are in trouble. It seems your sister is in trouble. So breath deeply and relax.
You don't say how old you and your sister are. If you are over 18 and live under their roof, obey their rules while UNDER their roof. If you are younger, you should honor your parents rules as the two of you have pleantly of time to date.
You cannot change your parents they are stuck in their belief systems. You can however, make choices on how you will behave. If you are older, your sister needs to face the fact that she has different values than your parents. She can do this respectfully but should be honest.
She, if on her own, must make a choice and she has no good options for sure. You have a choice too. Stay out of it. You need to save the stress for when your values are different than your parents.
That doesn't mean you don't feel bad for your sister and you can still be their for her. Just remain calm and help her sort out what she is willing to do.
Try to break the problem down for her into the smallest choices. For example, She loves her boyfriend and parents. What shows love to your parents; her boyfriend. What is at risk? What actions are beyond her level of comfort?...If you want to be there for your parents do the same (without judgement) if they want to confide in you. Perhaps if they talk it out they might see that if they step back a bit, she was raised well enough to make the right choice. If she makes a mistake, so long as they love her no matter what, she will only learn from them.
Breaking down the problem and listening to them as they talk are loving things to do. Fixing this is not possible. You didn't break it so you are absolved.
Good luck!
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