A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and him have been together a little over a year. I've grown to care for him a lot, but I know we could be doing much better. I've figured out that the recurring problems that we have (diminished communication being the most recurrent) are due to a general lack of trust, as well as mutual shielding from each other. I've done my share of research on father issues of both sexes and I think that's what's holding us back. My boyfriend has never known his father until recently, and I mostly think he's just paralyzed as what to feel regarding it, as it's probably a semi-painful issue. (I've only talked about this briefly with him) And as for me, my father was there throughout most of my early life, but circumstances eventually forced us farther and farther apart. Even so, I've ended up with the trademark issues of chronic loneliness, depression and low-self esteem in general. My boyfriend and I are both very full of potential, but we still have problems in school and socially. I understand I can’t change anyone but myself, but I think we could help each other overcome this a little better and even grow closer. Is there anything I/we can do to help each other move past that and possibly become closer? Has anyone else dealt with a similar issue? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 January 2010):
So rather than say "we need to talk more" you've been online and done a little project about how it must be some deep seated freudian thing from your childhood that is to blame?
I think the problem here may simply be that you see this problem as a symptom of something. Therefore with a bit of therapy or some kind of drug, suddenly you'll be all lovey dovey?
Nope.
It doesn't work like that. Issues with your dad have NOTHING to do with the fact that you are a teenager with huge expectations of what love should be like.
What will help is if you sit down and spend TIME together just being yourselves. Not trying to improve on what's there. Just enjoying the fact that he's ticklish under his knees and you do a cute thing with your eyebrows when you eat. Talk and play and be together.
It's not something you can solve using rationalisation and the internet, it's taking a chance and being vulnerable with each other. Accept the fact that he COULD hurt you and cheat on you but that you feel he cares about you too much. Same for him.
Good Luck!! xx
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