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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I fancied this guy at my school for ages, and he asked me on a date. It went really well, and he told a friend of his that it went well too. However, two days after, and he's seeing another girl and is totally ignoring me. I'm confused, what did I do wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jodie-15-uk +, writes (4 February 2006):
This boy is either a totally jerk or he just didnt know how to tell you that he didnt want to go out with you. Some guys are too shy to talk about their feelings and some guys just dont care who they hurt. all you have to do is figure out which one it is. why dont you get this guy in private and ask him why he did what he did. Meanwhile dont show your upset about what he did because he'll think hes won one over on you. If you carry on like hes the only one for you then when he breaks up with his current girlfriend he'll come back to you then a few days later he'll do the same thing. Trust me im 15 too, ive been through things like this. Hope you do as i tell you. The best thing to do is focus on a different guy and just remember not to treat the other guys bad to get revenge because no one will want you. nuff love x x
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 February 2006):
 In answer to your UNasked question, yes, he's being a jerk.
It's pretty selfish to go out with someone, decide it went well, then turn around, just days later and date someone else.
Unfortunately, some people are pretty selfish. Especially young men who are new to dating (to be fair, some young women are pretty heartless too!), and so enthralled that girls are interested in them that they forget to be sensitive with other people's feelings.
That's what's happening here: he's so excited about dating, generally, that he doesn't realise you expected him to want to see you again.
I doubt you did anything "wrong", and in fact, this probably has nothing to do with you at all.
What appears to have happened is you had a date, and now he's having another date. I bet that next week he'll have another, and then another, and all with different girls.
Do you see what I'm getting at? This guy doesn't see dating as something you do exclusively with one person; rather, he wants to dabble with all the colours on his pallette, dating as many girls as will have him.
You and he have a fundamental misunderstanding about what "dating" is, and it's neither your fault nor his. You appear to think that a successful date should lead to exclusivity between two people. He seems to believe that a good date means you could try it again with someone else tomorrow.
At some level, he may realise that he's hurting your feelings, which would be why he's ignoring you. But I suspect that his attention is just diverted by the excitement of going out with another girl.
It's a cliche to mention, but girls grow up and mature a lot faster than boys do, and this is one of those times when you have the fact pushed right under your nose. He's being a bit of a nincompoop and a selfish bonehead in not noticing that you expected to go out with him again, but there is is. You can't demand exclusivity with him if he's not ready for it.
So don't take it personally. It's not about you and I'm sure it's only incidental that he's hurt your feelings. With as much dignity as you can muster, try to ignore his bad manners and carry on.
Take care, dear!
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