A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 22 years old woman and raised by precious and happy family ever. My parent is the greatest parent for me and I have two younger brothers. My brothers are lovely and we have some weird habit toward my 2nd brother, we like to kiss him everyday and shower him with our love. Lol.. I can say that I feel so grateful with my life. But there's a thought that daughter is "less valuable" than son in my culture. My parent often choose them than me. They concern on their future and needs. My dad bought a huge ground that are going to build a building. Its for my brothers of course. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous with them as I love and wish the best for them too. While my mom, she said that its better to have son than daughter, and keep preassuring me to have son than daughter and I'm not marry yet. Yes, I have boyfriend. But I think my mom is trying to built a mindset in me to prefer son than daughter. There's one time she give food to my brother but not to me and said " its more crucial to feed son".Not because I'm a woman then I don't do anything at home. I'm the one who arrange all the household things as my parent are so busy. I cook, I wash the dishes, and I take care all of them. I think I'm more traditional woman and my biggest dream is take care and has happy family. I'm a university graduate last year and until now I haven't have any job is because I take care all the house thing and I know they need me. My friends are having job now and sometimes I wish to have one too. I know they all love me too but I feel unfair for me to experience this feeling without I can tell this to anyone and make my family ashamed. Please give me some advice and thanks before :)[Mod note: it might help the aunts to know that the question originates from Indonesia.]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): you can't change people, but you can leave...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): I don't think it's fair to be a certain way or favour one child due to their sex.. But at this present time that is your family's views and ethics .. That doesn't mean that once you do marry and have children that you need to continue their views in your home...Make sure that your husband realises that you both will treat each child equally within the household . That you may also want to study some more or get a job.. I can see that if you try to do these things the now, you will cause great battles with your parents .. Why not look for small victories until you are moved out of your parents home. At the minute it's their home their rules .. Why not look for a part time job sat to your parents you wish to contribute financial they may not allow this but you can but ask. I would not debate it too long though . Unless you want to move out etc.. Your parents have their own beliefs and cluture and though you don't think this is right (and I do agree it isn't to favour one against another ) it is very dufficult for your parents to change their ourlook as this is how they were raised .. Just make sure that when you do marry that the person your with has your beliefs and understanding ..Take care sweetie your parents are blessed to have such a sweet daughter . X
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Sorry to be so blunt.... but many people come to a "free country" like the United States to get away from these kooky cultural norms that they HAD to endure in their homelands (country of origin), and they take a more "enlightened" view of life, once they are here....
Your parents/family, apparently, are stuck in "Indonesia" mode... and YOU are paying the price. Decide how long you wish to put up with that.... and... when you reach your endurance limit, join up with those of us who think that your parents' culture should have been left in Indonesia....
Good luck...
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