A
female
age
,
*attoo
writes:I have had an affair for nearly four years and his wife found out when i called him at his place she answered the phone. He told me never to call him again and it was over i ruined his marriage. I am also married. This man and i were caught once already and i really miss him. we live next door to each other but he isnt having anything to do with me . He blames me for it all. The last time we were caught was two years ago and he later talked to me and we restarted again. How can i get over this and why he blames me . He said he loved me and we saw each other whenever we could. Help i need some answers how men can be so selfish. I am trying to get over it and wondering do you think he ever will talk to me and should i just stop this all togethere if he ver talks to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): this is really the consequences of an affair, isn't it. innocent peoples lives get destroyed.
at least if he sells his house and gets away from you, then perhaps he can salvage his marriage. at least his wife will not have a constant reminder that of her husbands lover living next door to her. its sad that these people have to now up and leave their home just to salvage their marriage, but it is a start.
so what happens now. do you and this man start off again when he is settled somewhere else. have you learnt any lesson here. what about your husband and kids lives?
A
female
reader, tattoo +, writes (26 May 2010):
tattoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice and i know all of you are telling me the trueth. He has a for sale sign on his house now and this morning he did smile at me as he left his yard (i was having coffee infront on my steps). He is in trouble so dont call him he said and i now know he will try later to talk to me but let him i have to deal with my marriage and he can go for whatever he wishes in his life. thanks everyone
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A
female
reader, laetitia +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Well, as you can see this man cares for his wife and he is not going to leave her for you or let his marriage down because of you. At any day he will choose his wife over you and the only time he will call you is when he has an argument with his wife and she cuts of sex (women do that!). You're number 2. Well, being number 2 comes with a few limitations and one of them is getting the boot when his marriage is in danger.
He said he loved you - but of course! But he also tells his wife that he loves her!!! You didn't think of that, did you? But do you really buy it when he tells you that he loves you?
He is not selfish, he is just plain stupid. He is a coward caught between two women.
You're the one who is selfish - you want to be with two men at the same time. What makes you any better than him?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Let's get real; he will never talk to you again because you messed up his game. He never loved you, he loved having sex and sneaking around with you. He's not talking to you because he's too busy crawling around on his hands and knees begging his wife to forgive him.
You wanna understand selfish? Take a look in the mirror. Then ask your husband how women can be so selfish.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 So, when you called his home he had to make up some really good excuse and try and convince his wife that he was not cheating on her... you cramped his style somewhat. He blames you for putting him in this awkward situation and I guarantee you he is also blaming his wife for 'making him have an affair'.
So he is angry at you, so what? You should take this time to put your marriage to rights. How would you husband feel if he knew about your affair??
You ask how can men be so selfish - sorry but you need to look to yourself - you are selfish - you want your husband and you want another woman's husband....
Either quit your affair with this man and make a concerted effort to make your own marriage work or do your husband a favour and file for a divorce.
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