A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so upset.I asked my boyfriend if I am pretty. He said that I am not very pretty but I am cute because of my cheerful character. He doesn't think that I am pretty he just said that he loves me because of my character and that I have a good heart.He said that a guy will not find a very pretty girlfriend but will find a girl who is special and looks special.STILL I AM UNHAPPY no matter how many times I ask him he doesn't say that I am pretty.The fact is there are a few guys who told me I am pretty and cute but why is my boyfriend like that.... sob Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 You won't want to hear this...you get your self esteem from yourself, not what other people have to say about you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some people say is pretty, others would have another view and that is what makes the world an interesting place. I think your boyfriend is being mean by not flattering you, but he may have underlying motives. If he tells you how wonderful you look, you may start thinking you need a handsome man in your life and not him! You have to be a bit more than pretty to survive in this world. It helps if you are attractive in all sorts of life circumstances, but a great personality is what counts ultimately. As you age and sprout a few grey hairs and the odd wrinkle...it will be your behaviour and warmth of character that wins you attention!
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Try not to get so hung up on this. You should already know if you are attractive or not, no matter what your boyfriend says or won't say about it.I think he is just one of those guys who puts more value on what a girl has going for her inside then outside. As well he should. Also it is hard for some people to stay objective about a person's looks once they are close to them. The more you know and like someone the less their looks matter to you.To them that is just who you are and that is ok with them. This is actually a very good thing. It means that your boyfriend is never going to break up with you in horror one day because he happens to see what you look like when your in bed sick with the flu. One more example, I have been married to my husband so long that I seldom even think about his looks anymore. Except to notice when he needs a haircut or a shave. But then a friend told me recently that she always thought he was handsome, and I kinda went really? Now I love my husband dearly, he is my world. And I wasn't trying to be mean it's just not something you think about everyday when you love someone. They just are who they are and you care about them no matter what.And your boyfriend must have thought you were pretty when he first met you or he probably wouldn't have taken the time to get to know you better in the first place.It is even possible that your boyfriend thinks you are a great deal better looking then he is and is afraid that if you ever realized it that you would leave him. Fear makes people say and do some pretty strange things. So try to give him a break. He cares about who you are as a person and that is far move desirable and commendable in a boyfriend then one is who motivated solely by looks.
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