A
male
age
30-35,
*ess222
writes:I’m a young man and I’m gay and I’ve a boyfriend, we’re together for 3 years. But there is a problem.The thing is that I don’t like giving oral sex. I know how that might sound like, but I really don’t like it. Hard to explain why, my boyfriend is clean and smells good, so that’s not the problem. I just don’t like the process of it, the feeling of his penis in my mouth, the taste of his sperm. I almost don’t want to have sex anymore because I know I’ll have to do it again. For him it’s an important part of sex, I guess. He always says how great it feels, but maybe he’s just pretending, because I don’t think I could be very good at something I hate. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend very much, he’s a wonderful person and I love his body as well. This is why I keep sucking him, just because he likes it and I shouldn’t be selfish. However I don’t know how long I can stand it, I might just puke one day. He doesn’t have any idea how awful it is for me, I haven’t said anything. I would like to talk with him about it, but I’m afraid to offend him. I would like to find some solution, because I’m ok with any other kinds of sex, except this one. If not giving oral sex to him means I’m not receiving it, I’m fine with it. Should we talk and what should I say so that I don’t make him sad?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): You should talk to your boyfriend, communicate.
Tell him what you like and what you dont like, what you are willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship.
he is your parthner, and he cares about you the same as you do.
if you want to feel better with yourself and what you want, he should be happy to do something about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): You are going to break his heart. Don't tell him. Communication is important, but not about this. Keep going. Relationships involve compromise. This, is your compromise. Maybe find a therapist and work on it, external to the relationship but absolutely do not tell im. Does he love you unconditionally? If you are answer is anything but yes, you must not tell him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 "He doesn’t have any idea how awful it is for me, I haven’t said anything."
Why? How many times have I not told people, or read, or talked about how important communication is in a relationship. Communication, communication, communication.
And here you sit, with things bottled up, and wondering why he can't read your mind. You've been with him for 3 years, if you love him and know him well then talking about things shouldn't be this difficult.
This isn't about "not making him sad". This is about you needing to learn how to communicate, and you need to realize that if you don't communicate then what you're essentially doing is lying to him. And lies hurt him (and your relationship) much much more than the truth.
Sit down with him, tell him you need to talk to him about something. DON'T start telling him while in bed together. Have a good and solid talk about this, and find a solution that makes both of you happy.
When I am in a relationship I need to be able to trust that the person I am with will always speak his mind about what he likes/dislikes in bed. Otherwise how will I know? I can't read minds, nor can I always be super attentive to whether or not that little blink might be a sign that he is uncomfortable about this or that. It can't be all about riddles and secrets in a relationship. A good sex life is grounded in good communication.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Yeah of course OP. When it comes to things like this it's always important to discuss them. Try not to blame him if he feels hard done by OP, especially if you'd known you didn't like it from the start.
It happens quite a bit with the women I've dated. They think they only have to give them for so long and then when they have me hooked they can stop as apparently it's not important. But to me it is, and frankly I find it a deception that they didn't tell me they didn't like to do it, I wouldn't have continued on with them if I'd known.
Talk to him OP but be prepared for compromise, as you can imagine he's may find it difficult to accept if you tell him that he no longer will be getting it. A good compromise OP would be flavoured condoms, or even coating his penis in honey or chocolate or something, plus asking to give you warning of when he's going to cum so it doesn't happen in your mouth may help things too.
OP try and find a way which it will be easier for you to do. and some ideas ready for when you discuss this with him. He probably will think to himself that if you were able to do it for 3 years then there's no reason for you to completely stop and he may even be happy with less frequency something tells me though OP he'll want to do anything necessary to not make this a horrible thing for you. I mean sex is about satisfying each other. I doubt he'll be as petty as to say you're not getting any if he doesn't, but then again I don't see any reason you should stop completely for now. You only have to put the head in your mouth, he can have a flavoured condom on and you do most of the work with your hand.
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