A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What do you think about genetic inheritance in your children s life? Me and my husband never been diagnosed with any mental illness, and we never had any substance abuse problems. But all 3 of children we have together,has one of this problems. Two of them are drug -addicts, and one sadly passed away already from drugs, but intentionally... The other is still doing drugs and crime. And the third has serious psychotic episodes and very unusual lifestyle.We ourselves don't drink at all, and also never had been in psychiatric hospital, where all 3 of our kids were admitted different times, different reasons. This is a real tragedy, and we don't have any idea how to face it. The doctors are asking all the time about extended family history of mental illness, but our families are keeping secrets, and don't want to tell anything. We just found out ,that my husband's father's brother committed suicide, at the same age than my son. Also that his mother possibly had bi polar and drunk herself to death. But it was very hard to find out, and harder to conform it. What do you think , how important is that,to know, where are you coming from, and what kind of behavior is that ,if they don't let you know about the truth?
View related questions:
drugs, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): But if all 3 children experiencing such a horrible symptoms, you must wonder, that is something what happened to all 3 of them. Yes,it could be genetic, because genetic inheritance is another pattern, just like the pattern of the behavior of an abused child. Bi-polar disorder may be an inheritable condition. I saw family's falling apart with several members having the same condition.. This is very serious problem. Ongoing therapy for the whole family is a must.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I am sorry for your loss and your misfortunes. The topic of genetic inheritance is one of ongoing debate. I suppose there are certain genetic traits that are dominant in determining a person's future and personality. Just as perhaps there are inherited traits that are more neutral and dormant.
Alot of scholars believe that socialization actually plays a larger role in nature than does biology. That is how for instance dogs have been domesticated and can live among humans.
To be perfectly honest with you, I have never met a person with issues such as drug addiction and criminal background who wasn't raised in a dysfunctional environment. That doesn't necessarily mean their parents were alcoholics or had criminal records themselves but something in their upbringing was off. Maybe they were abused by a neighbor...maybe they had parents who were emotionally unavailable, neglectful...maybe they didn't feel safe, they lacked love/attention...a very important need of theirs was not met. Kids can be exposed to all sorts of situations but when they don't have the moral capacity to choose the better of the two paths (or however many) there is something lacking in their judgment. And more often than not, that lack of judgment can be traced back to their upbringing.
My mother is a narcissist/psychopath. Her mother was not an alcoholic or has any criminal record. But she allowed my mother to be abused from a very young age by her stepfather. I do not know the full extent of the abuse (I am not sure if sex was involved) but it included very bad beatings and humiliations. She lived in a very unsafe environment and her own mother would not protect her. My mother is now mentally ill and she suffers from drug addiction herself.
I am not trying to point blame at you or anything. But in life it is always good to take a look and reflect on one's own impact on situations before deflecting it toward another source. If at least for the sake of the children you have that can still be helped and saved. Maybe it would be a good idea to all go to therapy and let a professional dig a little deeper and truly gauge what might be going wrong in your family dynamic. A therapist can give you and your husband pointers on how to react to situations differently and create a different dynamic with your children. As I am not sure what the current one really is but it sounds very problematic and if you and your husband can change things about yourself for the sake of improving your relationship with your children, then you should. Do what you can, whatever it takes. Cause researching genetics and finding out some revealing information might take some guilt off your shoulder but it is not going to help your children get out of their situation. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Genetics are very important factor in a person's outcome. Some study shows, even people who were never exposed to any mentally ill, or criminal behavior, can come up with the strangest patterns of their ancestors. But it is very hard to track down, any of this. Because mental illness, and criminal history is a taboo. Doctors certainly looking for patterns, and if there is 3 people effected in the family with serious mental problems ,of course they will suspect the genetics. Parenting only can't determine the results. Even horrible parents can end up with great children...There are many families , who are plagued with addiction , and mental illness. It is very unfortunate. Especially , if someone does a good parenting job, but the ''secret genes''brakes into the person's life. Someways, it is the cruel fate of the genes..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Genetic inheritence might predispose someone to having an illness, mental or otherwise, but it does not fate them to. If that were so, we could, for example, simply abort future violent criminals in utero before they caused any harm.The family trait they your children be picking up is the way in which life problems are handled. That is psychological not biological. In other words nurture not nature. That is not to say that you and your husband were not good parents. You sound as though you were, but you aren't the only role models your children have had. If they observe other family members repressing unhappiness and not facing difficult situations, it is all the easier for them to do the same.Something worth mentioning is the role narcissism plays. When we hear that word we envision someone admiring their appearance in the mirror all day. In fact it is the preoccupation with self and it comes in many forms. Drug addicts would qualify as narcissists since the bulk of their energy is focused on achieveing their own gratification - their next high. Those suffering from anorexia would also qualify. Their main objective is to be thin. Both of these 'illnesses' caused their sufferers to focus all of their attention inward. Read what you can from Dr. William Glasser. Maybe you'll find something in his works that can help you make sense of it all.
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 That's part of a long held debate - nature vs nurture. How much of who we are comes from the genes we inherited and how much comes from the environment in which we were raised?
It use to be that experts were on one side or the other. Some believed that all of who we are is a result of the conditioning we received from our environment. That our behavior was shaped by reward and punishment. Behaviors that were rewarded remained while behaviors that were punished extinguished. Others believed that all of who we are was shaped by the genes we inherited. These genes determined our brain chemistry and that determined our behavior.
Today, I think most agree it is a mix. The belief is that if you are genetically predisposed to certain traits. If the environment is just so, those traits will be expressed. So if you have a genetic predisposition to depression for instance, and your life experience is really rough, you will become a depressed individual. The reason this belief is held is because some kids flourish under the most awful circumstances and some, who have a wonderful childhood become troubled adults.
I realize that doesn't help ease your mind any. It is truly horrific that all of your children have problems. I am not an expert, but I would guess that they were genetically predisposed to certain problems and their environment did cause the issue, such as addiction to be expressed.
I am very sorry for your experience, as it could happen to any parent. I have two children myself and I do worry about the possibility of these things happening. There is mental illness in our family, and like you I did not learn of it until after I had children. My husband's sister is bi-polar and I now worry about my daughter. My brother is an alcoholic, and I now worry about my son.
All that can be done is to stay alert for the signs of trouble and to seek help for the child if trouble starts. I am sure you have done the best you could for your children. I am sorry things have turned out the way they have, however, it is my belief that it is never too late to turn your life around. You never know, the ones that are still with you may use their suffering to change their lives and possibly the lives of others.
TEM
...............................
|
