A
male
age
41-50,
*uzzyduck
writes:i'm in the forces and soon i'll be going away for 6 month. 3 Months ago i met a girl while i was away with work and have gotten into what seems like a really intense and serious relationship. We seem to have fallen for each other and are talking about moving in with each other. She's lives in the america and i live in the uk. we seem to have a lot of stuff going on at the moment, she may have a job in japan next year which may last for up to 5 years and i'm obviously away a lot. We're in a long distance relationship but have so far managed (i've traveled to the states twice to see her). Recently she's suggested a open relationship, saying she loves me and that i'll have needs that while we're both away from each other. She said i may want to sleep with other women while i'm away. She's also said that she misses me a lot and is feeling lonely. She said that she wants comforting and perhaps she would want to have sex with other people while i'm away. She explained that it's purely sexual thing and that i'm the priority. She's worried that i may be tempted to cheat while i'm gone and she doesn't want to cheat either. I didn't react well to this and felt a lot of conflicting emotion. Jealousy, inadequacy, anger, the list is fairly long. Now i've kind of calmed down i'm trying to think rationally about it. I'm worried that while i'm away i can't fill her needs and she'll leave, i'm also scared that she may find someone new and leave. I really don't know what to do.
View related questions:
jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): NOT ALL WOMEN ARE TESTING YOU. I am in a long distance relationship myself (Chicago, IL/Ft. Lauderdale, FL). My boyfriend recently offered me a one-sided open relationsip, involving partners with no emotional attachements, because he was trying to offer whatever means he could think of to make me happy. I was completely offended because I could never imagine being with anyone else and was mortified that this might encourage him as well. Over a year later...he is my very best friend and I love him very much. All you have in long distance is conversation and if you are at all commited you learn more about this person than you could imagine. I've realized that the only time I now think of an open relationship in a postive light, is when I am not feeling appreciated. It's never a thought that sticks or is remotely fufuilled. If you are having a sexual relationship with someone, you should be adult enough to make an honest and informed decision with your significant other. Honesty (brutal at times) is the only way these types of relationships will succeed or end without spite. Every couple has to figure out what is "right" for them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): It sounds like a lot of responders here don't know how to deal with a relationship in which they have the freedom to make mature emotional decisions with their partner. From the fictitious, "True love means magical 100% exclusive Desire." to the "She's manipulating you, but that's totally ok just go with it!"If as the first poster thinks, its some kind of messed up test, you should be happy to fail. Then you can have a conversation about how your relationship will survive if she's playing mind games to see what you think rather than, I dunno, asking like an adult. I hope this is not the case.Have you ever in your life known any person to be Anything genuinely 100% of the time for their entire life. Being monogamous means that you refrain from sleeping with other people, not that you don't sometimes think about it. This kind of absolutism is totally unrealistic.If you and your girlfriend are mature enough to talk about this openly, you can do whatever you agree on. You're adults: you're allowed to act like you can make your own decisions.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): hey dude funny enough i stumbled across your question, i am in the same situation as you, my long distance girl through the very exact same stuff at me that your gf said. Basicaly what i found out later was, it was a test, to see if you wuold actaly give in to the open relationship. She is testing you my freind, she wants you to say the compelte oppisite and prove prove your love to her, i was so close to messing up and deciding that a open relationship was the right choice, however a few days of thiking about it i finally realized what they were trying to do... they were trying to find out if we really loved them, so i suggest telling her that you wont cheat, dont wnat anyone else and that she is the only thing on her mind, i garantee you she will say the same ting back, and you guys can continue this commited relatinship. One thing go, also tell her that, its either are we togather or we are not, no open relationship. GOODLUCKY MY FREIND! trust in what i say..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I second monkey friend's answer. Two people truly in love, should be weeping and pining for each other over the telephone... the thought of hooking up their parts to someone else would be the last thing on their mind.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): My neighbors had an open marriage for a couple of years or less. It worked for them, he had affairs, she had affairs, their kids were kept in the dark about it.
Now they are getting divorced...and their kids still don't know.
Your aren't married, and can't be together, so either go with one another, or go without, but don't kid yourselves.
...............................
A
female
reader, monkey friend  +, writes (9 October 2010):
I would NEVER agree to an open relationship ever; that is just wrong. If two people TRULY love each other, they would want to be committed to that one person and that one person only, no matter how long they have to wait to see each other again.
If a man ever suggested that to me, I would personally dump him as it a) shows his lack of committment and love and b)that's just gross and wrong, very wrong.
...............................
|
