A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 and got married at the age of 19.I've been with my husband since I was 14 years old, it was the first relationship for both of us. He really loved me alot, treated me like a pricess, spoiled me and gave me everything I wanted. I loved him and did things to make him happy and supported him in ups and downs. We didn't have any major issues. I became extremely attached to him, left all my family and friends I was so happy to be with him.He became my world. I also became extremely dependent on him emotionaly,financially and in alot of ways I relied on him. More than a husband wife relationship it became more of a father daughter relationship.I was very open and honest with him and shared my deepest secrets with him. Things started to change two years ago I was curious to experience other men as he was the only man I ever experienced, i asked for an open relationship. He was reluctant and didnt like the idea at first but agreed to it. It was great in the beginning we became really close as friends and enjoyed the excitement and thrill.Slowly Slowly we grew apart as a couple. We would go out together and hardly even hangout together. We became really comfortable in making out with others in front of each other and talking about our experiences with others. We communicated all this time and he assured me I was his number one girl and everyone else is fun and games and he will never leave me. I felt the same. Few months ago I had sex with somebody for the first time and came home and told him, he got upset which suprized me because we both agreed to it. He started going out more and more and started sleeping around with others. He encouraged me to go out with a guy and be serious about him and I kept going for a couple of months but soon realized i wanted to be with my husband and him alone and came back to him but he told me he's seeing someone and now wants to be with her and not me. He told me he feels no connection with me and really enjoys his new relationship with her and we never had anything special.I was devestated and cried and begged him to stay but he laughed at me and said i need to move on. he said he was confused all this time and doesn't see me as his wife anymore but more like a friend and he still cares for me but doesn't have those feeling for me anymore.I'm a wreck in everyway. He's doing great with his new girlfriend, secure job and everything else.He was all i had and now his attitude has completely changed towards me. The day he left me I didn't have one single friend to call and cry because I was so emotionaly dependant on him. I've been sick and in a depression and he would rather be with her making sure she's happy and not me. He said he'll support me he's a doctor and I was dependant on him but I feel totally insecure about the future. He said he can be monogomous with anyone else now but not me.I came to US to be with him and I really have no one.My questions are:Does that mean he couldn't handle me having sex outside like he thought and doesn't want to accept me anymore but I'm still ready to accept him after everything?What kind of relationship should I have with him? Is there a chance I can get him back? I'm still talking to him and he wants me to hangout with me and his girl friend but it makes no sense and I have no desire. Why does he want that?
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (30 August 2012):
I'm sorry to say this OP, but you opened Pandora's box and there is no closing it now. You probably hurt your husband very badly when you slept with the other man, and since you had already grown somewhat distant by that time it became his breaking point. It sounds like he has moved on.
He said he still sees you as a friend and wants to hang out with you, so maybe that is possible. But I do not believe you will be able to get him back. You have likely cut him much too deep for that to ever happen.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 The open relationship is not the only problem that created the mess. You grew apart and you said the relationship became more like father and daughter, therefore the sexual attraction was gone between you two, and he stopped seeing you as an equal, and that is something he only knew after he matured in life. When he was 19 (assuming he's the same age as you) he knew nothing about compatability, life stages back then. You were trying to get that spark back by open relationships, but that did nothing to help the marriage. If you don't want to go back to your own country, ask him if he's willing to finance your education until you can get back on your own two feet.
I think both of you you were open about your feelings only up to a point, or a friendship level. If my boyfriend asked me about an open relationship I would be really hurt. As a man he probably felt it's unmanly to reject such a deal, which seems to be attractive to many men. There are times when we want our partners to be jealous and possessive. I think he was hurt by you but was suppressing his real emotions. Don't count on the hope that the relationship can be saved. Take it one day at a time, a lesson/experienced learned, that fulfillment does not come from outside sources but from within you.
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