A
female
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anonymous
writes:I recently found an open box of condoms in my boyfriend's nightstand draw. We haven't used any condoms since the beginning of last year. I've been in that draw numerous times before but never saw them before until now. None were missing and when I confronted him about this, he told me that I'm the only one he's slept with in for the past year that we've been together. Also, he says he would never cheat or do anything else to hurt me in anyway. He says also that he wishes I would believe him and trust him more and that our relationship will never work if I don't. I do believe he would never do anything like cheat on me because he is a very genuine person but at the sametime I've been cheated on before by someone else. Am I just overreacting over nothing or should I be worried?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): As a past time cheater and someone that has been cheated on before....He is cheating on you. I'm young but i've been through alot. I've seen this before w/ my ex-GF and know how you feel. He feels that he can do a "little more" now that he has all that trust. And he did it. I'm sorry to let you know that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo add more to my question, I went into the draw because I was looking for a lighter to light a candle. I've gone in this draw before because the lighter is always in there or to get skin lotion. He knows that I've gone into this draw before so it isn't anything new to him. He also says that he bought them when we were still using them but I don't remember him ever buying them or him telling me that he bought them, its been so long ago now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): Hmm.
Why would you be in his nightstand drawer? That he box is open...did you open them from before? Were you both going to use them at one time and decided against it? Has this slipped your mind?
Numerous times before...for what?
There is more going on here and I don't know what. Somethign seems...out of place.
I think that some transference of fears are happening in that this has happened to you before and you assume and fear it will happen again and may be with your new partner. So you could be overreacting.
If you do not trust your partner...what would be the reasons why? It can't just be the appearance of condoms as you have been searching for sometime.
I can see you coming into this new relationship with your current partner and having these fears, doubts, insecurities which would have attached to them fear of rejection and abandonment which you may have experienced as a child. With this you might be hyper viligent and hyper senstitive...you will start to search for cues and signs that your partner does not love you or may be cheating on you. With this is some sense of self fulfilling prophecy.
I would be worried in that I believe you should have some counselling to have some one to talk to to deal with issues from your past childhood and past adult, intimate relationships.
All relationships need honesty to develop that trust and to keep faith in one another strong. Forgiveness is essential as well. A relationship without two people willing to have these traits and live them is set up for a big fall.
Deal with your unresolved issues or they will keep cropping up.
You deserve happiness like anyone else.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): This same thing happened to me. my grlfrnd thought i was cheating when she found condoms...I was too embarased to tell her i bought them for when i masterbate in front of my tv to my porno so i dont spray all over the screen.
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