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anonymous
writes: I decided to wait to have sex until marriage, and I just got married about a month ago. My problem is that I cannot get in the mood no matter what, and if I do I usually get out of the mood before my husband and I end up having sex, then it hurts(burns) me really bad! We messed around some before we got married and I was always in the mood, but now that we are married I can't get in the mood. Is there something wrong with me? Is there any suggestions to help me be in the mood more often? I'm only 21 years old!! And foreplay don't really do anything for me any more. Please help me!! It's frustrating for both of us.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 May 2005):
 Take your time and don't worry. You're still pretty new at this, right? You've only been having sex for a few weeks. And to learn to do anything well can take a bit of practice.So, put your thinking cap on and ask yourself what used to get you aroused before you were married. In other words, when sex was "off the menu", what used to get you going? You certainly would have had personal fantasies - I think we all do - and foreplay is limited only by your imagination. It doesn't have to just be hand jobs and oral sex. Try giving each other oil massages after a hot shower, or do a little strip tease for each other. Whatever. The point is, you don't have to - and you shouldn't - jump straight to sex, if you're not ready for it. Talk to your husband about this; he may not really even be aware that you're having discomfort. The problem you're having probably only stems from limiting what you think you're "allowed" to do: things like only having sex in bed, at night, with the lights off. The truth is, you're 21 and the only limitations are your personal preferences and certain federal laws. Suggest something outrageous to your husband, or ask him to suggest something to you. Have sex out in the forest, or do it on the kitchen counter... or act out a secret fantasy. Sometimes just the thrill of being "naughty" can turn your key.Last suggestion: get some lube from the chemist to get you warmed up, if you're having problems with vaginal dryness. It can really help.Hope that this helps... and have fun.
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