A
male
age
30-35,
*ebaslookingforward
writes:Okay, so when I was 13 (now I am 18) my dad used to play chess with other people online and he introduced me to the site (pogo.com) because I told him I wanted to play too. So I started playing billiards, which I found to be very entertaining. My dad did not speak much english, but I did, and I quickly started to use the chat feature on the site because, naturally, I had the means to do so.I was young, and I talked to the people I played with. Eventually, I started talking to girls around my age. I even vaguely remember the usernames of about three or four. Soon after, I felt attracted to one of these girls.I asked her "what are you wearing" and she told me "a skirt". I got somewhat turned on, and I continued to ask questions about what she was wearing and her underwear. I did not know until much later that this was cybering, cybersex, roleplaying, etc.Another girl that I talked to was 16. I dont remember if this was before or after the incident I just mentioned. But I do remember the username exactly (actually it is still active, but looking at her profile years later I can tell the account was her dad's, not hers.I was 13, she was 16. She asked me if I rubbed. I did not know what she meant. Then she asked, more straightforward, if I masturbated (then again, new word to me by then) and I asked her what it was. Actually I think she asked me if i masturbated and then she told me about rubbing and all. I remember this conversation really turned me on. By the way, she had a boyfriend. I remember that well.We must have talked for about a month. I added her as a friend, and then I told her I wanted her to be my "online girlfriend." Yeah, I was young (just 13).I kept using pogo a lot, meeting more girls, in the process I learned what LOL means and I even got used to writing IMs and texts in english (for instance, I remember when a girl taught me "u" was used instead of "you" and so on).I kept using the site, basically got addicted to it. I cybered a lot, talked to girls on there all the time, and over the years, when I was like maybe 14, I started asking for and giving out pics and I trying to get girls on my MSN because I found out many people were doing the same.I remember the first true online friend I had, by the end of 2006, but we stopped talking by about january or february 2007. I recently did a little investigation through my old emails and I could get her on facebook, now we talk sporadically, and I am glad she remembered me. Apparently, I had told her to remove me and stop talking to me. Also, checking some old chat logs with her, I found out that by that age I was asking girls about their "private parts" and stuff...I was just 14.Anyway, over the years I have talked to many people on that site. Cybered a lot, and got horny on there pretty much every day.When I was 15, I met a girl that about 8 months later became my online girlfriend. We probably dated for about 7 or 8 months. I told her I cheated on her because I liked a girl in my class at one point, and that kind of damaged the relationship. I then ended it, feeling I was done with online flings. We remained friends, but she started having a busier life so she did not have much time. Now I have her on facebook but we only talk every few months.Anyway, hell I WAS WRONG!!! I kept doing the same stuff, basically getting on Pogo to talk to girls, and of course I was growing up and asking for naked pics. Actually, I am sure I had been asking for naked pics since I was 14 maybe, I am not sure because you know, when you don't remember not knowing something?Anyway, I made another couple friends. In 2008 I made the longest lasting online friend that I still talk to. But I kept cybering and all. In mid 2010, an online girl friend (not girlfriend) told me of another site (teenspot.com). I checked it out, and immediately got addicted to it. Basically, people (many underage) cybering and sharing pictures with NO CONTROL pretty much.In the past few months, I have gotten so addcited to this site, that after trying to quit I could not. Last january, on teenspot I got an online girlfriend (she actually cheated on me, read about it on here http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-girl-whom-i-fell-in-love-with.html). When I learned the truth I was devastated. I looked for help online and that is how I found this website just 2 weeks ago or so.I know that I want to end this online life of mine. I want to end it, but I still get on teenspot almost daily, and this 2nd online girlfriend, "after I asked why you did this to me" after a long break, told me "well....you dont even deserve to know what happened after those emails, you just jump to conclusions when you have no idea what is really happening" and now I just keep checking the site even more after I replied to that, because I expect her to explain.I dont know what to do....I have a few people on facebook that I met online. I have chat logs from the past 5 years, and countless amounts of emails. I dont know what to do any more. I want to move on.... I have many real life friends, but I cannot just tell them about all this. I have hidden it well from parents, family and friends and I feel I might tell them someday.I do have a good social life, and many caring, smart friends, and I do okay with the girls "in real life" (i have NEVER KISSED ON THE LIPS but i was close once in a cruise ship when i was 15 and i have hugged and put my arm and danced with girls many times)This piece of writing is a mess, and very long, but Please, Agony Aunts, help me... its so difficult to delete all the conversations and stuff that I have from all these years, but I want to start fresh, and get a real life girlfriend. should I tell my friends?I am very horny and all, but I actually only want to be sexual in a long term relationship. what can i do to avoid cybering altogether?I hope you guys can help. I consider myself intelligent, and I have many important values. I will listen to you all. Thank you.
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male
reader, sebaslookingforward +, writes (31 March 2011):
sebaslookingforward is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMan, thanks for your advice! Today's the 31st and I posted this on march 18th - 13 days ago. Since then I have not been using any sites like that, and I don't miss it.I started university last monday and the second day I had already flirted with a nice girl :) it was just casual, I wasn't really interested in her but it feels good to have a nice conversation with a girl. She was sitting next to me in a 3 hour class so imagine lol.Luckily I have lots of friends and I go out often...I consider myself very social but I think I could be even better if I hadn't wasted so much time.Thanks for your answer. So far I think I am doing well. I just think of this when I'm home and not busy, so yea I try to keep myself busy Thanks for your advice.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Hi Sebas,I am a 26 year old male. I know what it feels like to be addict to internet friends, and finding boring and unpleasant real life friendships. Been there, done that. For me, it was pornography my addiction. I prefered a thousand times being alone at home and masturbating, than interacting with real live persons.I now regret that, since I don't have any real friendships. At the age of 23, I met my first and only girlfriend. I felt like a sailor that had years without seeing a woman. I worshiped, kissed her, and gave her all my affection.After 3 years of a relationship, we lived together for almost a year. Sex could have been better without the follwing:a) when I was awake, she was sleeping.b) when I slept, she didn't left me sleep.c) Not sleeping properly made me very exhausted and with very low libido.d) When I did had a sexual urge, she was sleeping, so I got so frustrated that I had to turn to porn to get satisfied.Nevertheless, the moments we did had sex, and cuddling, were AWESOME. I can't describe how good it was. It is not because she is a great woman, but more because she is a real person. It is easy to get excited with woman on the internet (either from porn or cybersex chats) which you know you will never have. But I felt that somehow, my porn addiction made me feel less attracted towards my girlfriend, and some times I found her boring [Which she isn't]. Having a real and physically close girlfriend is something that every good man should have, even if they don't make love. A couple of days ago, I decided to go without porn. I know it will be very hard, specially now that I'm in a long distance relationship with her. I've been trying to cope with a bad depression that arose the day we separated.I have very high urges of having sex with her. But more than those urges, I have an urge to feel her hugs, her kisses, her caresses.I will encourage you if you dare to try 2 weeks without cybersex. Try to get yourself busy, and find something to do to keep you from relapsing. Cybersex is a fantasy, just as porn is. You need a reality check: those girls you chat with aren't real. They might show you pictures of them naked, but that doesn't means anything. [I would kill for some naked pictures of my GF though... but at least I know she is real, and we love each other].If you can survive 2 weeks without cybersex, then you can survive another 2 weeks also. You should try to go out with friends, and meet new people. Even try dating some nice girl you meet. If you don't feel the thrill or excitement when dating a girl, it's not her. It is just that your brain is so used get aroused with cybersex, that when a real woman comes around you, you feel numb. This is normal. As the time goes on, you'll find more thrilling dating real girls. You'll discover the wonders of having REAL sex with the wonderful woman you meet. Not even all the porn/cybersex of the world will be able to compete with the real feeling of a naked woman's skin.If you relapse, don't be hard on you. We all relapse. But keep your will firm towards your goals.
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