A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey im a young girl 18 yrs old n a student, never had a boyfriend but found one over the internet chatting last year.He is 25 and a working guy. I met him through chatting n added him in messenger. We chat often, day by day we become closer.After chatting for 3 months He start to like me n wants me to be his gf but i refuse becoz i wasnt ready for any commitment at tat time.I was still so young not matured enuff and still struggling with high school life n alot of other problems such as parents, family,friends,public exams and so on. I told him I wasnt the girl for him n ask him to find sum other suitable girl.But he told tat he fallen completely in love with me n we gonna work it out fine. After much persuasion, i agreed eventhough i wanted to say no. Its becoz i fall for him too but i know with all my problems i cant have a proper relationship.We never been out together, or met each other,n neva atleast seen each other's pic.some people say dont trust anyone through the net so easily or fall prey to the unknown guys but im not that stupid. I know him very well after chatting with him for about 10 months n he's not the kinda guy who disguise as someone else(fake) or a bad guy,cheater, sweet talker ,sex craver or anything. He is a real person who is honest, understanding, caring n juz a normal guy looking for love as he's lonely person . For me and him pic doesnt really matter becoz love is blind n its the heart tat matters the most. Some people gets attracted n fall in love with appearance or looks but then we re different. We fall in love with each other's personality n characters.Our relationship over the net has been rocky for a while, we used to quarrel over some misunderstanding all the time.But we never break up even after the toughest fight we have, we always kiss and make up in the end. I kept this relationship as secret, no one knew about it not even my parents sisters or my best friends.I dont want my parents to know becoz my parents r very strict .they dont like all this boyfriends stuff n they juz want me to focus on my studies only as im a bright student.i know some poeple might think its silly to have such a relationship without seeing each other n not taking it to the next level,But my situation at tat time making it so hard to have a real relationship like going out for dates or smthg like tat.both of us are bz n we had no time for all tat but we r in deeply in love with each other.I told him i need time to take this to the next level as im so young n still not so matured, n when the time is right then i will.this is becoz i thought tat we both have to get to know each other better, in terms of mutual understanding n interest n strengthens our bond before moving to the next level.N there r alot of things to be discussed before starting a real relationship.N with tat i thought we would have no problems to get along with each other when we both agreed to meet later in the future. He says okay to me first. At the end of last year i was having a very important public exam which will determine my future career. So i focus more on my studies n put aside the relationship as i dont want to let my parents down , they had very high expectations on me. Its very hard to balance between love life n studies n i found its a distraction for me as i cant concentrate well in studies. i did my best to keep both balanced but i give prorities to studies.He understands my stance in this matter n supports my decision.I told him i will be more serious about our relationship after i finished my exam n high school. but then he start to get angry n expects more from me after that. He always say he isnt enough with me or satisfied with wat im doin.I got tired of him complaining about it. But all this while i had sacrificed a lot of things for him n so did he. I feel very tensed up n felt like i could collapse any time under the crushing weight and unbearable presures of my problems tat i told earlier(parents, family, friends, studies, n surrounding).I had alot of dilemmas at tat time but i coped well with all.Finally my exam n high school ended, n i was relieved to have a little bit of freedom.Days after tat he came up with something really stupid. He asked a girl ,his anotha chatting friend to act as his gf online.I believed it n was very sad tat i broke off with him. well before this we have had few arguments n nearly break up a few times but then we juz loved each other so much tat we cant juz let each other go. But this one very serious n i told him it's all over. he then confesses to me tat it was juz a drama he put up juz to make me understand how he feels like n wants me to have real relationship with him.he apologized to me but then i was in terrible anguish over tat.. for nearly 1 month we dint chat or text msg each other.It was a very hard time as i cant forget him eventhough i tried so much. I missed him so so much tat I cant sleep, eat, think or do anything. I became weak. After 1 month he msged me back. He told me he still have feelings for me n wants me to come back to him. I forgiven him but I told him I dont want to start over new relationship. We still do chat but not often like we used to before.But wheneva we chat memories of the past start to haunt me back. And I still do love him so much , wants to be with him.Thn something happened recently, he told me tat his dad isnt feeling very well n his family forcing him to get marry in 2 yrs from now before anything happens to his dad. It seems tat his family arranged marriage for him n finding a bride which he hates.He dont wanna rush into anything but then he have to considering the situation very serious.I can sense tat he actually wants to propose to me but he scared tat I wont agree. N if he did propose later im afraid I have to reject becoz both our families dont know about the relationship we had. Big troubles will arise if my family knows about it.I dont know what to do. Im confused n at my wits end .I loved him so much n dont want to lose him.Can u plz help me??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mirror of twilight  +, writes (6 April 2009):
I'm having an almost similar situation, but with diff problems... no one is forcing my bf into marriage. That sounds very strange, no one should be able to force a 25y old into anything! It actually sounds like he's trying to force marry You.But eh, it was you who talked to him, so you'd know him better than me.I'd be worried about telling the parents. I told mine and a catastrophe emerged, lol
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): hey !
it's not silly to have an online BF , or to even love him , i do have so approachs about the fact that you have never seen each other on pictures or cam , and don't know if you ever had a call , if you know each others voices !
i completly agree that characters and personnalities are more important than anything else ! but your look , your voice , your smile , the way you talk , you way you move , are all part of you , that should be considered to !
it's completely okay to have an online BF, you seem afraid and confused about it ! you know better your family and problems , i can't judge from here , but it's your life and your love ! you have to defend what you believe in , and the way you feel !
if you love this guy , you do !
is it time to tell your parents !?.... no !
why ? you haven't met him yet !
meeting him in real life is important for both of you
that will five you more confidence , then things will remain clearer ! it's time to go to the next level , it's not about the look , it's about feeling as much confortable as online when you are with the guy you love !
this time you can work out your problems !
don't be so afraid , don't complicated things , follow your heart , BE AWARE too yes !!
i wish you the best of luck
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A
male
reader, Cowboy254  +, writes (13 March 2009):
I'm in the same boat but I'm 17 and I get frustrated too when my girl ain't around b/c I love her soo much but were on the xbox and we got into a fight last night but we worked it out and listen don't be scared of your parents actually when if you love your bf like I love my gf then nothing else matters
Screw your parents if you love him tell him but he needs to tell his family he aint gunna marry the girl dad should be able to respect that and if he told dad that he as going out with you his dad should be happy for him and proud tell him how you feel and why you love him things will work and that's my awnser hope it was good
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): hey... This must be so hard for you. I know how you feel though our situation is not exactly the same. I met my boyfriend online when I was 17 he was 23 now two years later we are still together. Before meeting him I liked other guys as well but like you my mum couldn't know. Well two years and my mum still doesn't know. I think it's important that the both of you do meet. Make sure it is in a public place. I know you feel it's not important but to have a real relationship you are going to have too. I also know that you trust him very much but he did play some stupid trick with the other person online. You need to think is this a con to make you move to the next step faster?? If not... Maybe you have to let him go. My first love I was 14 I lost my virginity and everything to this guy and we had to break up because of our families but it broke my heart and I still think about him today. But I have moved on and I am happy. I'm saying this to let you know you will be ok, you will find another love.Please don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. Smile Xx
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