Ongoing problems with trusting my husband

A female age , *arbalarb writes:

There are two facets to my problem. The first happened in 2 the year 2000 and my boyfriend gave me an engagement ring and I found out that in two weeks he was in a motel with another women. I did not catch them in the act but the emails were quite explicit. Needless I put the wedding on hold and we struggled thru the issue. He claims it was a one night stand and they were both intoxicated. We were married and the wedding seemed blessed in heaven. Until this last spring, when quite by chance I found love letters between him and another co-worker that had been going on for at least a month. When i confronted him he said "it was just a naughty and fun thing to do and nothing sexual was involved." I let the other woman know I was aware and threatened to tell her husband and not my spouse and her say it is over. The problem I have is that on a daily basis he goes to work and has an office next to this woman. Many days the anxiousness is more than I can bear. We have talked of divorce because he says he does not want one. It is over according to hm. But I still am anxious and nervous about it. My need to heal this process is to talk about it and he refuses. Says he hurt me and feel sooo very guilty about it. So I bear this burden on my own. today I was ready to pack up and leave but he convinced me to stay. I am going to counseling on my own but since he refuses to face it I cannot make much headway. Advice is welcome

View related questions: co-worker, divorce, one night stand, wedding

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008):

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