A
female
age
41-50,
*atedstepmom
writes:I am married to an older man of 17 years, who he has been previously married for almost 20 years. We have been in our relationship for almost 7 years. He has two adult daughters who hate me and are not afraid of showing it. I have a son who is 10 yrs old and looks at my husband as his father and we have a three year old girl together. I have done nothing but went beyond and above to make his daughters happy and him. I tried to be understanding but he speaks to his ex wife everyday since we even started dating 7 yrs ago. Sometimes two or three times a day! I have told my husband that I am very frusterated and have asked him to maybe talk to her once a week, and he agreed but there still has been no change. Recently I found out that were sexually talking to each other. I also found out that he had several sexual conversations with three other woman that I know about. I had found a secret prepaid cellphone and read some of the text messages. I was crushed and threatned to leave.. he seemed sincere and very sorry. I found out that he still kept talking to two of the other woman, and I am fed up.. I have never created any infidelty in our relationship and now I am very hurt and feel so alone. I want our marriage to work, but I really don't think with all the stress this is causing me is healthy. I am overly jealous, mistrust him, and going crazy in my head... I just feel like I put up with all the verbal abuse already from his daughters because I believed we had something special, but to find out that was only a one way street is so disheartning. I don't know what to do, I feel so lonely, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME ADVICE?
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crush, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, older man, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, samyum  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 im sorry I would have to show the red card
That sounds terrible he is being direspectfuland that is not on
Who the hell does he think he is
What does he want
He isnt showing you that he loves and supports you or your feelings
You need to be strong & stand up for yourself
Ypou say it is doing your head in what is all this doing to your self esteem??
Its good to get it off your chest tho hey..
Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): This man does not respect you and as a result you have lost respect for yourself. Its time to leave him, find the strength. You have gracefully put up with torment from his daughters, to keep your marriage on track. Did he stand up for you? To insult you further he regularly talks to his wife and has mixed in sexual conversations with her and other women. Try and read your post afresh. See it with our eyes. It is so clear that this man does not love you. Love should not make you feel this way. You are paying too high a price - letting him get away with this. How many more chances are you going to give him? Get some distance from him with your children. He is controlling your life and making you ill.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 If you can't leave completely.. could you take the kids and go and stay at a friends or a relatives... just for a while, and maybe if you decide to work on your marriage then you and the kids could go back.
This way the man will know your serious...
Sexual conversations, secret phones.. nope.. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all, unless it's flirtation of a type that could be done in my presence.
Is your husband a flirt, maybe it's all talk... but then again you asked him to cut down contact with his ex-wife, you didn't ask him to stop.
I flirt online all the time, but I assume and hope that the man's partner can read what I say and understand it's just play.. Any hint that it made her upset, and then it's very easy to stop...
You asked, he just needed to explain that his wife doesn't like the conversations he is having...
Sigh... Do you have any reason to believe he has thoughts of being unfaithful, is this more than talk.. no matter, it makes you hurt and he needs to take that on board.
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A
female
reader, hatedstepmom +, writes (8 June 2010):
hatedstepmom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your input, I agree, He still says he loves me and that I am crazy! I can't help the way I feel or I wouldn't turn to an online website to be able to let this off my chest, He says he doesn't do anything wrong, But I feel like he is and he knows it. I believe the best thing to do is follow the old saying " Is let go of the ones that want to wonder" After 7 years invested, and this is the result of being faithful and respectful I have to let go, Apparantly he is not happy with me or he would of not done those things.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 June 2010):
No babes, you know this guy is not treating you right.. this is so close to adultery.. and it's a sign of big disrespect.. no wonder you are lonely..
Can't be fixed, you need two people to do that.. please leave this guy who is making you unhappy and sad... I know you are thinking of your children, but, this marriage isn't working well.. it is damaging to your health.
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A
female
reader, hatedstepmom +, writes (8 June 2010):
hatedstepmom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering my question,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Woman, leave that man. Do you really want your 10 year old son, who looks up to him a father, to learn how to treat women like he does when he gets older?
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