A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. I havent got a major problem, just a little one. So il try keep it as short as possible.Last year i started college, as people do all my friends mixed in with the new football boys from other schools, the basket ball boys and the golfers. There was one boy when we started that most of my group of friends couldnt take there eyes off, he was gorgeous, had an AMAZING body and a really good personality, a little bit shy, funny, laid back. Anyway we all used to talk about how good looking he was, and the only shame was that he had a girlfriend who he had been with for nearly two years. This didnt stop us fanatasising.Anyway in the october he broke up with his girlfriend, and at that time we all used to bother at pubs and resteraunts. Anyway one night this boy came back from being at the football and was really drunk and ended up snogging one of my close mates. Soon after it was all forgotten about and the boy ended up really liking another girl and making her his girlfriend. That girl was ME. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7months now and ive never felt such a connection to anyone, and i truly believe he adores me and loves me. He spoils me rotten and has become my best friend.The only problem is even seven months on its a bit awkward, its like before we got together i heard all my friends fantasisng about him, but i didnt think anything of it. Then about 3 months into our relationship my boyfriend told me that one of my close mates had told him she really liked him, and the day after we got together she said 'you do no i still really like you'. (Apprently she had told some of the other girls she liked him, but never mentioned it to me. Even though we did have a laugh sometimes and mess around asking him to show us his body, i just thought she thought he was good looking like everyone else!)So now even 7 months later i still dont know what to do about this girl. In her free's she goes and sits with him and all his friends, and we were at dinner today and she showed me videos and photos she had taken of him playing football. Later on i caught her watching us kissing, so i stopped and backed off.Ive just come home now and on facebook she's written that she really wishes she didnt care about certain things, and she wrote it at the exact time i caught her watching us cuddling and kissing etc. (We were saying goodbye to each other as the buzzer had just gone for lesson, her facebook recalls 5-10 minutes laterit was written)I know i cant assume it was about us, but i do no that she likes him and she doesnt really keep it to herself. I dont want an arguement and im not going to say she cant like him, you cant help your feelings. I just dont want to ruin our friendship.Thankss.
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best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, kissing, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Honestly, I would give him an extra good snog if I knew she was looking!
I don't see a problem really, you all thought he was gorgeous before you started to date him, so it's not fair that he can't be McDreamy to others any more ;)
Though, a true friend would never put the moves on a friends BF, that is just wrong.
IF he had been interested in HER she would be dating her. Ignore it. She will get over him and find someone else to drool all over.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (21 September 2010):
 you're young and what you need to do is kiss your boyfriend wether she is looking or not. she IS after him and you can tell this. watch out for her because a friend would not be doing things like this. she cant have him but some people are accustomed to getting their own way (think super sweet sixteen).
just dont let her get to you, but dont trust her cos she is already showing signs of wanting to nick your man and what women want often translates into what women do...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 How good of a friend is she really if she so blatantly goes after your boyfriend? Certain friends are only friends as long as you give them what they want, and right now Im wondering if this friend wouldn't throw you under the bus first chance she gets.
Distance yourself from her, or let her have your boyfriend. I think in this case you can't have both. The situation is making you feel uncomfortable, so just distance yourself from her without saying anything to her. Hang out with her when you meet, and have fun, but don't think that you are best mates.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (21 September 2010):
 you don't want to loose her friendship, but she has to accept the fact that he is your boyfriend, in order for your friendship not to be hinder. What you might want to do is talk to her, and let her know how much you care for your boyfriend and for her. She can't control how she feels and who she likes, but she has control on how she act towards these feelings. Give it a try talk to her and hopefully you guys can continue to have a great relationship.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Ultimatly he's with you at this moment in time, not her, and as he clearly knows that she also likes him, but chooses to be with you, this must mean he likes you more than her. End of story. If he wanted to be with her, he could be, but it is clear that he does not.
It seems that your friend has developed an obscession with your boyfriend. I find it a bit odd that she takes pics and vids of him playing football. Is it just of him? That behaviour seems a little stalkerish to me and its odd that she shows you these pics too.
Although you dont need to worry about her stealing him off you, it must be annoying for her to make it so clear how she feels about him, and for her to continue to persue her infatuation, when she knows he is with you. I would find this a bit disrespectful, especially the fact she told him she liked him when you are together!
I would quietly sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you found out that she had made advances on your boyfriend after you got together. Tell her you find this upsetting as you thought you were friends, and friends dont steal boyfriends off each other. Ask her how she feels about him now, is this still true? Say you dont want to ruin your friendship but make it clear that if she doesnt back off you will have no choice.
She may have low self worth so maybe try and talk to her about whats going on for her at the moment. But if she doesn appear to care about your feelings or wont respect the boundaries of your relationship, then don't bother with her, shes not worth being friends with. I'm sure you can understand why she likes him so much, but she should respect that hes with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): It sounds like she doesn't care if she ruins your friendship with her or not since she's making it a point to spend time with him and obsess over him when she knows he is your boyfriend.
The problem lies with this girl, not with your boyfriend, so I wouldn't bring it up with him at all, unless he's reacting to your attention in a way that makes you uncomfortable. If he's devoted and committed to you, you don't have to worry about this girl's advances. If this girl is your friend, though, you should tell her how you feel, how you're uncomfortable with her actions and draw to your boyfriend. If she's a good friend, she'll back off.
As for you feeling uncomfortable kissing and cuddling in front of her, who cares? Keep kissing him and cuddling him whenever you want. He's your boyfriend, not hers, and you didn't "steal" him away, seeing as it appears he was never interested in dating her to begin with.
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