A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a lot of problems and don't know where to begin but I guess I'll just start. I have one breast that is much larger than the other one. In school kids called me quasimodo. I have to be specially fitted for bras. I have never had sex. I am finally able to have surgery. I want a breast reduction on one side for a few reasons. I'm off balance and my back hurts a lot. I also feel like I already look like a cartoon character. I have a boyfriend that I have been seeing for about year. He has made me feel good about myself but says really stupid things to me all the time. He just doesn't think about things before he says them. He says things like "I never thought you were a freak" and I think he means well but he is always reminding me about how mean everyone was to me. He also doesn't want me to get a breast reduction because he wants me to make the other one bigger. I am petite and I think I would look very strange. We don't live together and we have fooled around but just when I feel like I'm ready for him to see me naked he says something really stupid and makes me feel very uncomfortable. What can I tell him so that he will quit saying stupid things to me? What is it going to take for him to realize I don't want to be reminded that everyone called me a freak? I'm very scared that he is going to laugh at me. It's not something he would do but it's in the back of my mind. He's usually very sweet but he can be a real jerk. He is always saying things that hurt my feelings because he just doesn't understand. I probably sound crazy but he doesn't do it on purpose. He just doesn't think. I just don't want to be constantly reminded and he won't shut up. I used to be happy to see him. Now I want to cry when he leaves. I am confused and I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 This guy is clearly a jerk! A loser! Be very glad you know now! There's a great thread by anon_e_mouse on "how to get over your ex"... I provide the link but can't do it easily (phone isn't very cooperative) so google that user name and title. Hang in there, there are many good guys out there. If you keep attracting losers and jerks, it might be a good thing to figure why, before you date again.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): It's only been a few hours since I posted my question and a lot has happened. First thank you everyone that answered. I really needed someone to say something nice to me. One of the things I did not write about was he and I were going to have sex tonight. I was ready to give myself to him but I called him and said I wanted to wait. He got very mad at me and told me I needed to hurry and make up my mind. I told him that my period started early, it didn't but I wanted an excuse. He told me that "hey your mouth ain't bleeding". After the way he has been making me feel I just lost it and told him this was it and I don't want to see him anymore. He hung up and called me back and cursed me so I hung up on him. Now he keeps calling but I don't want to talk to him. He left a really nasty message on my phone. I am really mad right now but I know I will be really hurt later. He isn't the person I thought he was. He has made me feel so bad about myself. I feel stupid and desperate for ever going out with him. I still have feelings for him but I can't ever be with him again.
This probably sounds pathetic but I don't have any friends so I wrote to perfect strangers on the internet. My breasts are dramatically different sizes. I have scoliosis because of this and I am in constant pain. I'm going to have the surgery soon. That is the reason they called me quasimodo. I weigh only weigh 110 andI can't can't carry the weight of my chest I have been in counseliing and I was feeling better about myself at first but my now ex made me feel like crap. My counselor said that he needs to control and feel dominant. He's right. I knew it all along but I wouldn't admit it. I just wanted him to tell me "you look pretty today" instead all I heard was "your tits don't look that bad". Ok. well I'm already feeling sad. Tisha I wish I could hug you because you made me feel better. You to cocoqueen and anonymous and honey pie and blackhearts. Thank you all. I don't want to get anyone upset but now tears are streaming down my face. It's nice to know there are nice people out there. I haven't been through a break up before. I havn't even kissed anyone else . I promise that I'll be alright. I'm going to do what makes me feel better about myself and not what someone else wants. It's my body. I promise I will NEVER TAKE HIM BACK!
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (30 July 2010):
 I have the exact same problem with my breast. One is a C cup and one is a DD cup and it's very noticable so i know what you're going through.
Have the reduction like YOU want. You probably wont be with him forever cuz he sounds like a real jerk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Your boyfriend sounds like a real idiot to be honest. Have a breast reduction (as YOU wanted), not what he wants. Doesn't sound like he has much respect for you at all.
I think once you have it done you'll have a lot more confidence in yourself. You should think twice about your boyfriend. Seems he's in fact making you feel WORSE about yourself.
Have a talk with him. Explain to him how you're feeling, ask him how he feels about you. If he loved you, he would be 100% be happy with what YOU wanted, he shouldn't have suggested anything else.
If he can't understand, then you deserve better. Find somebody who loves you for YOU.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2010):
 He is a JERK! Sorry.
I think you should go have a reduction if it will help you back and your self esteem. I went to school with a girl, who was an A cup and a D cup, so uneven as well. She had reconstructive breast-surgery and ended up with "matched" B cups. She was quite another person after the surgery.
*hugs* to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Hey, i know exactly what its like to have people make hurtful comments about how you look. I also have one breast that is larger, the right is bigger than the left and is quite noticable. From what you say it sounds like your boyfriend means well and doesnt mean to hurt you but you need to tell him that his comments are hurtful and if he doesnt respect this and makes tactless comments regardless then he is not worthy of you. If you choose to have surgery to feel better, make sure you do it for yourself and that you do what you feel is right for you, not your boyfriend or anyone else x x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 July 2010):
You might come to realize that he IS a jerk, depending on the outcome of this topic. This doesn't have anything to do with you, if this is the case. You didn't make him into a jerk, he was one before he met you, and will continue to be a jerk after the relationship is over. (Again, this is if he takes this discussion badly.)
If you are having trouble coping with this and your thoughts are problematic, I would suggest you see a professional mental health counselor to see what you can do about improving this situation. Ask your doctor for referral.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 July 2010):
"Honey. I care about you and I know you care about me. I have this problem I need to discuss with you and I want you to listen very closely without trying to respond just yet.
"You know I have this breast size issue and it has been a source of a great deal of pain and upset for me. I don't know if you realize that sometimes some of your comment are hurtful and even just MENTIONING the breast size is a problem.
"I know you are trying to help and make me feel comfortable but it isn't working. What I need for you to do is to stop mentioning my breasts at all. Yes, I want you to stop saying anything about them, when we are in bed or when we are out of bed. It just has to become an off-limits topic. Don't say 'I never thought you were a freak.' Don't even use the word 'freak' or anything like that at all.
"As far as what size I chose to become, honestly, that is not about you, this is about me and MY body and it's my decision. I don't want any more input on the topic from you. I will decide what is best for me. Period.
"Thank you for listening and understanding. I know you are a good guy and want what's best for me and I appreciate that so much. I feel so lucky to be able to talk so frankly to you, and I know that you care so much for me that you'll be able to help me out with my request."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): My daughter had exactly the same problem. There was a real big difference in size. b cup one side and dd cup the other. I took her to see the doctor when she was 16 and she had corrective surgery when she was 17. This involved a reduction on the larger breast and an implant on the smaller side. The operation was done on the nhs, totaly free of charge. they did the operations in stages, not all at the same time. Your boyfriend cannot decide that you should just have the smaller breast made larger, a surgeon will decide this. I know its probably frightening and embarassing but pluck up the courage and go see your doctor, have the surgery, i promise it will change your life and give you back your confidence. Good luck
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