A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Me and my two best friends have been that way for ages. We do everything together, and have the best time.However, recently, one of them, lets call her Tina, has been annoying both me and my other friend, she has a fiery personality, and you can easily get on the wrong side of her. She's loud and often gets teased for it, and not being big-headed but isn't as pretty as my other friend or me, and she doesn't really get boys. I think she's quite insecure, but I'm sick of her being in a funny mood, she'll change her mind loads of times, and often takes a joke too far. What should I do? I love her to pieces, but only when she's being nice, I know every girl has moody times of the month, but I'm just sick of it. Please help.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (23 January 2007):
 How old are you all?
Has this only started to happen recently?
Have you told her she is not as pretty as you others?
Maybe, just maybe, this girl KNOWS she cannot compete in the beauty stakes and has decided to make herself a big personality....?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): Narcissistics:
An infatuated sense of self-importance
Fantasies of unlimited success, fame, power, beauty, and perfect love (unlimited adoration)
Exhibitionism ( a need to abe looked at and admired)
A tendancy to feel rage with little objective cause
A readiness to treat people with cool indifference as punishment for hurtful treatment or as an indication of hte fact they have no current use for the person
A tendancy toward severe feelings of inferiority, shame, and emptiness
A sense of entitlement accompanied by the tendancy to exploit
A tendancy to overidealize or devalue people based largely on a narrow focus or an inability to empathize
(page 204, Beverly Engel's The Emotionally Abusive Relationship)
Note: Narcissistic individuals only respect those they feel are their equal. By allowing for said person to critize you; he/she will disrespect you even more.
Those they tend to view as being inferior...they are just mere puppets.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): I hate to point this out but that is a form of abuse; to have someone rant and have another be fearful. That you give into her rants and support her by being silent and lie about agreeing with her; well you are a victim. This isn't healthy for you or her.
You should take responsibility for getting a chance to talk as well as having your own, separate opinion and voice it. If your friend doesn't like it...just say let's drop it as we both have our own opinions and further discussion will get us nowhere.
By allowing for her to rant and have her say and giving in and agreeing to avoid confrontation...you have unknowingly made yourself a victim and your friend has lost respect for you and this only serves your friend as more fuel to continue her abusive tendancies.
Both of you need to set some boundaries and lay down ground rules with your friends. Teach them that you don't want to and don't deserve to endure their bullying/abuse.
Speaking up and following through on you need to stop this or I am going...will reteach your friends that you are a person who needs to be respected and that they can learn to control themselves and their anger.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (23 January 2007):
 I have a friend just like it. I thought she'd grow out of it back when we were in school but she hasn't even now (we're both 22) The only way I can get round it is self preservation. Whenever she starts off on one I stay quiet and let her rant. If she asks what I think I tell her I agree but don't add anything else to it. To me it sounds like your friend likes being the centre of attention (just like mine) and often not saying anything makes them feel like you're ignoring them and they behave a little better (sometimes)
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): She could have a personality disorder and it may have gone unrecognized and untreated and may remain such until she gets a doctor's, teacher's, or parent's counsel to have it addressed.
Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissitc Personality Disorder have both been linked to being raised in a single parent home environment in that a child needs are best met in a two parent, loving, nurturing, environment. That is is heavily genetic is recognized but it is exacerbated by inadequate parenting, parental neglect, abandonment, and/or child abuse.
Questionnaire taken from Beverly Engel's The Emotionally Abusive Relationship on page 188
BPD is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects (moods) and marked impulsively beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five or more of the follwing:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self mutilating behaviour covered in number 5 below.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identify disturbance: markedly and pesistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg. spending, sex, substance abuse, shoplifting, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self mutilating behaviour covered in number 5 below.
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self mutilating behaviour.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). (Dysphoria is the opposite of euphoria. It's a mixture of depression, anxiety, rage, and despair.)
7. Chronic fellings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
Either way, it sounds like you are getting tired of the abuse aspect that someone who suffer with BPD may be causing you.
It's time to define your limits. Point out bad behaviour or unacceptable behaviour. E.g. If you are going to say those means thing to me, I will not stay here and listen to them. I will not be treated this way. Then walk away. Sometimes the most constructive thing one can do is walk away.
Take time to cool off and regroup your thoughts and emotions.
I hope I could lend light to your situation.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (23 January 2007):
 to be honest if it was me i would tell my friend, but i wouldnt blatently put it across.. ide tell her softly that i dont like hows shes acting at the moment and that its getting to me and that it putting across a negative effect on me towards her and that im sorry i feel this way.. thats my opinion hope it helps xxx A
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