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male
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my girlfriend recently. She asked me to marry her and I said I was not ready but I loved her. She then said she needed time to think and broke almost all contact with me suddenly, talking once a week for about half an hour. She moved in with a group of single friends from her parents. After giving her the time she asked for, I asked her what she wanted. She told me that she no longer had any feelings for me. I asked her to give our relationship another chance to try and rekindle things. It was great for about a week in which she said she loved me. Her friend who she shared a flat with was on holiday at this point. When her flatmate came back her attitude changed again and she said she was not in love with me anymore. She now acts as if she couldn't care less about me. I am so confused.I really love her and I am finding this very hard to understand how she can go from asking me to marry her to having no feelings for me. She now will not talk to me about our relationship without getting annoyed.When I talk to her she randomly asks questions like, do I have a new girlfriend yet? I am so lost because the new circle of friends she has made are all single and go out constantly on the pull so I dont know if this is how she truely feels or her friends are influencing her.Everyone advises me to move on, but it is so hard, I cant stop thinking about it. What do you think I should do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2006): If you truly love her, you have to fight for her. She is still interested in you, otherwise she would not keep asking about whether you replaced her. She is also angry at you because she feels rejected. You told her that you didn't want to marry her. How would you feel if you proposed and got rejected? that's a rhetorical question, don't bother answering. There is a potential problem - it seems that you guys are entering the "friends" stage. If she can tolerate to keep you around as a friend without getting heartbroken at the very sight of you, then she did indeed move on and the situation is beyond rapair. If that is the case, I STRONGLY urge you to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT! There's nothing to be gained from keeping her in your life, except more misery and pain. As for her friends, well, they have their own agendas, and believe me when i say that those do not benefit you! Whatever you do, do not attack them. Do not give her reasons to argue with you or feel annoyed. You may want to find an intelligent way to make her see that her friends may not know what is best for her, but don't talk shit.If you are under 25, then you are probably experiencing what i call "the grass is greener on the other side" complex. Basically, you want her because she doesn't want you. My parting words - fight for what you want...
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 February 2006):
 This young lady cannot make up her mind what she wants, good job you said no to marriage, you may have hurt her by saying no and this is her way of accepting this and moving on.
You must respect this and accept that she is the past, look towards the future and dont put yourself through any more pain, seeing her and talking to her is just prolonging the agony of what is obviously now history.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (5 February 2006):
 I am wondering how old you both are reading this. It is possible that her friends are influencing her. If she is young they may be telling her that she is too young to settle down and she maybe feeling a little that way.
Something seems to have caused her to be suddenly be confused about things. Asking you to marry her is a very definate statement of intent on her part and its not something somebody would do on a whim. If she hadn't meant it she would have been found out when you said yes. Maybe she feels that to fit in with her new friends she has to adopt their lifestyle to a degree.
Her asking you about whether you have a new gf or not says to me shes still interested but is confused about how she is feeling. Give her space to work things out is what I would do. If you feel the temptation to do anything like a jealously trap then dont. Remind her in little ways how you feel and see how things progress in time. If this makes no headway then you may have to declare your feelings for her and see how it goes. Good luck.
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