A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had to break it off with him 5 days ago because he told me he wanted space. Would come back tell me he missed me and go on as normal. But if i asked about us he'd say he wasnt ready for a relationship, the demand of it. I waited for nearly a month for him to be sure about me. So I ended things and he didn't even TRY to change my mind.So I deleted and blocked him off everything except iPhone and I get a message that night asking why i deleted him and i said i dont want things to drag on and he just said cant we be civil? I said that we could be but i dunno if ready to be to which he said alright. I haven't spoken to him since then...Today I get a message from him saying "Are you alright? I'm worried about you. At least text me so I know you're alright" I took a nap and woke up to a call from him.Now, I'm not a danger to myself. I'm fine..I haven't even cried about this situation. I admit I want him back, but I'm getting confused. One minute he wants space, the next minute he's worried...Can someone maybe tell me why he's doing this? Also should I reply? I've been using the no contact rule (I do this with all my exes, collect my thoughts before deciding on anything)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): while youve been sorting yourselves out, what kind of life have you been living? Have you been getting out and about and seeing friends, doctors, dentists,or have you been feeling isolated and communicating only via texts,instant messaging and other electronic means. As your deadline date approaches it is important that you spend time with people other than "him" so that you maintain a support network and take a balanced view of life and so that you have nice things to look forward to , as he has delivered a whole lot of negativity to you and it is important to stay bouyant, tears or not.What do you consider are the "demands "of a relationship? There is of course honesty as a number one criteria.Also fidelity.also theres caring and commitment ..so which of these does he find so difficult?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): of course you dont want to kill yourself and the suggestion is rather annoying, buthe is floundering around and doesnt seem capable of giving you the correct message. Doesnt he know that a relationship needs positive vibes to move forward..and has he forgotton that when one door is closed many more are opened...from my angle he seems very unappealing indeed but it is your life and you can make your own choices.For example you could text him 'what in sweet fcuk are you asking me that for when it over..' or you could cat and mouse him back on a yes, no, yes maybe ...vibe as he clearly loves mixed messages...or you could text him on the come hither vibe and see if he drops all and comes running back.The choice is yours.Is he the sort to put bets on with his mates as to who would cave first and could you possibly have hurt his ego by getting out before getting hurt and worse still he has to pay up to his mates who are laughing at him? Its just a thought..not honorable, i know, its not but it is potentially possible.Are you sure hes right for you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): he has lost something he was toying with like a cat with a mouse..he wants to pounce on you if you show any kind of movement, yet just quietly observe you when your still...yes he is still toying with you..because although he didnt want a relationship he is upset when you makeoves that show that you are moving on.He has now put himself into what i call "the social worker move" , just checking up on you to see if your alright and inso doing he is implying that you are a danger to uourself and thereby undermining your confidence in yourself.Yet he thought nothing of cutting a giant chunk out of your life in the weeks preceeding this. Lets face it he didmt send you a text saying i love you and miss you so much but i am such an asshole to pretend didnt want a relationshipBut no, he is still taking the high moral ground.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 May 2015):
Although it is easy to blame your ex for your pain, you cannot blame him now for what you are doing to yourself.
This question..."Can someone maybe tell me why he's doing this?"
Why are YOU doing this to yourself??? You deleted him from everything because you wanted it done. But NOT all the way done. You left a door open for him to reach you, and torment your feelings, and then you ask "Can someone maybe tell me why he's doing this?"
If you want it done, then make it done. If you want to go back then that kind of pain...that is also your choice... But do not leave a door open and ask why the flies are coming in.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 You know, I find it odd that SO many guys get into relationship and THEN find out that they don't want to be in one - yet they do not seem to COMPREHEND that the girl they are "toying" with actually gets hurt by this incisive behavior. These guys DO NOT really want a relationship - but they WANT to be able to still chat (some even to continue the sexual side of things) - I just don't get how they can BE so dense to not comprehend that they HURT others.
You COULD reply to him and let him know that you are fine, but not ready for chatting or pretending to be friends. But you owe him nothing in that department, you have already told him that you aren't ready. IT sounds to me that he is "worried" that you will "get over" him and therefore NOT want to maybe pursue a FWB later on or pretend to be "buddies"....
He calls it being "civil" to still talk, You prefer no contact so YOU can move on. YOU stick to what WORKS for you. Screw what he wants.
Being "civil" is NOT getting into a relationship if that is NOT what you want.
I really wouldn't hold out hope that he will change his mind. So honestly, work on moving on.
People who needs a "break" in a relationship have one foot out the door. And that goes for people claiming to not be ready for relationships AFTER getting into a relationship..
I'd just let him go. His loss.
And I'd delete him of the Iphone too.
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