A
female
age
41-50,
*livia10
writes:I've been stuck in a serious dilemma between 2 guys. One is the sweetest, kindest and most unselfish man who would do anything for me and would make an unbelievable husband/father. The other is selfish, unmotivated and somewhat cruel at times. Obviously I should chose the first, but herein lies the issue.. I'm absolutely in love with the 2nd- we have similar interests, we have an amazing sex life and I always enjoy our time together, I miss him terribly when we are apart, but no matter what I cannot seem to instill in him my similar values. The first is everything I've ever seemed to want in a man but I simply have no passion or interest in him whatsoever. I'm not sexually attracted to him at all(although I once believed I was) and the longer time lapses the more he aggravates me: his neediness, his quirks-i find more things everyday to dislike about him, even though he is really am amazing guy! I am so confused I don't know what to do- I'm attracted and absolutely in love in every way to a man whod I'd otherwise dispise and disgusted by a man whom I wish I had feelings for. I cant seem to let either one go, however, and really need some outside advice and help! Thank you to anyone who can give me some insight and guidance in this terrible situation --Lost and confused in Arlington--
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Please let both go ASAP. The former because you are leading him on and he disgusts you. The latter because he despises you and you like him and want to be with him.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 We stand in line for two hours for a 1 minute rollercoaster ride rather then spend those two hours doing a ton of other stuff that althogther produce far more thrills.
Be honest, the "nice" guy is boring while the "bad" guy is a real thrill and nothing beats make up sex.
And of course, the beauty will tame the beast. You really seem to believe that you can instill in him your values. HA! It is laughable. You can barely instill your own values in a child, let alone a grown adult who has everything he wants by living by his own values.
Ditch the nice guy, he doesn't deserve to be jerked around.
For the bad boy, well if that is what you want, then go get it. Just remember, buyer beware.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 This is a problem many of us have and it goes something like this; The nice guys make it too easy for us it which sort of takes all the work out of it for us. Translation: boredom. The other guy is a bit of a mystery and doesn't treat you as well, (perhaps even disregards your feelings most of the time) therein lies the challenge we are addicted to. If we can find a bad boy and somehow manage to turn him into a fairly decent mate we'd probably be happy forever, so long as he doesn't become too compliant. Even though we hate being treated the way men like your #2 man treats you, we love the challenge and that challenge translates into passion and excitement. I suspect the only reason you're really "torn" is because you know you "should" be in love with the nice guy but he bores the pants off of you. You'd be better off to let him down easy and pull away. You will probably never have a smooth, wonderful relationship with the other guy, but there is something to be said for the ying-yang of a relationship like the one you have with #2. So be with your #2 and hopefully it'll ease into something more permanent. You know some #2 men can be taught how to treat you better, it just takes time and patience. Oh, and you have to lock your pride in the closet or it'll never work out. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): It seems you are at a bit of a loss whichever path you choose. On the one hand, you are sacrificing emotional happiness, while on the other, you are sacrificing physical satisfaction.If I were to be straight and honest with you, I would tell you to ditch them both. You should be not only attracted to the person you choose, but you should feel safe and loved with them as well. One reason so many relationships fail is people are prepared to make sacrifices that they later realize they cannot live without. If you have even the slightest doubt that you could see it out with either of them, then I think there is your answer. You deserve better, you deserve to be absolutely certain about who you're with.
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