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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Has anyone ever had an ex-friend, ex-bf/gf, partner, etc. come back into your life and try to reconnect? What did you do if you didn't want to see him/her? (Or how did it go if you did meet with them?) Recently some old people have popped back up from oblivion and I was wondering how to handle it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Well, based on my own experience if it's an "ex" I wouldn't. If it's a "friend" that depends on what your friendship was like and why you slipped out of each others lives.
"Ex" are too complicated because mostly there is alot of SUSPICION working in your mind as to "why?" they want your friendship back. And if you're paranoid about their intentions you won't like it and neither will they. I'd tell them that you were very fond of them back then and although things didn't workout between you, you genuinely thought very highly of them and you have many fond memories. Tell them that you wish them well on their journey through life but reconnecting would be inappropriate and uncomfortable to you. Be honest, be gentle, be kind, but above all be firm.
Friends that slid out of your life because your lives were moving in different directions (for me I became a wife and mom well before they did) can be a joy to reunite with if only to reminisce over the old days and share a few laughs and maybe a few tears.
For me, I reconnected with old friends. I was the one that initiated the contact. Seeing or hearing from them after a lifetime apart was nice for the most part and it was fun to see how much they'd changed and not changed. One friend was just a one time meeting, which is fine. He seemed uncomfortable so I left it at that, I had forgotten how skiddish he use to be...LOL...no change there. I thanked him for the friendship we shared and told him that although I rarely thought of him over the years that have past my memories are "glad I met you back then. You were a fun kid and although I didn't realise it at the time you really had my back...thanks for that...I just wanted you to know I was grateful for your friendship and it was a real honour to have spent time with you." The rest of the old friends and I still chat with each other from time to time, most of them are women but there are a few men as well.
Now for the "ex" (I'm married, he's single again...sadly). Well, in his case I read an obit in the paper one Sunday and the gentleman was his age and I freaked! I had to know if it was him or not. Fortunately for him it wasn't. Huge relief...LOL...for both of us. This old "ex" that I dated briefly was actually more of a friend than a boyfriend to me. Yes, at the time I was attracted to him but the relationship was one of friendliness. It wasn't physical or sexual so I thought and still do think of him more as a friend really. When I broke it off with him I left him behind, but unlike other "ex" bf I missed him. I missed our FRIENDSHIP but I left him at peace and went on my way, moved on, met someone else who turned out to be an old childhood friend of his. Pure coincedence. After living together a few years my new bf and I got married and we raised 3 kiddies who are all nicely grown now and we will be celebrating our 32nd anniversary this Xmas. Anyway, after finding my "ex" 30+ years later, alive and well, we e-mailed, we shared, we laughed, and we even met up a couple of times (all out in the open...all with my husband's (and our daughter's)knowledge and approval)...but this "ex" had SUSPICIONS! about my motives. Long story short, his paranoia about my intentions couldn't be assuaged. I tried but I failed miserably. I apologized to him for making him uncomfortable and intruding into his life, wished him well on his journey and said goodbye...something I've never actually said to someone meaning goodbye forever (I use to leave that unsaid in the past)...but that was the kind of peace of mind that he needed and deserved. I was giving him his "props".
Some of us humans just want to go back and tell these special people (in this case you) that they were special and they still occupy a special place in our hearts and we think of them with kind respect and fondness. Hope this gives you some food for thought.
If I may add just one more thought before I leave you and the person above who responded to your query...hopefully, in an attempt to bannish your fears the majority of the time an "affair" isn't what is sought by an "ex". But, one can forgive someone for being disconserted about the motives of an "ex"...sadly...but true, it's a relationship that is better left alone and left in the past where it can't hurt anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Hi,
My 1st love recently tracked me down after 20+ yrs apart!!
I had many sleepless nites about it.
Finally we talked and she suggested we meet. We met and I was greated with the same fantastic smile that I always got back then..we got on VERY WELL was like we had never been apart.
The love & affection was still eveident for all to see. Couldnt beleive that 20+ yrs have passed. Was amazed to see how little she has changed as a person..physically a bit older, but still essentially the same intelligent/nice/kind/gentle/honest/caring/loving woman I knew back then.
She had these amazing eyes..I could always tell what she was thinking back then. These eyes havent changed..but there is some sadness/hurt there now
Saying goodnite was very difficult..was like the clocks had gone back 20+ yrs when we couldnt bear to say goodnite (no it didnt get physical..just a kiss on the cheeks and a hug)
Problem is that she is married!!. I am not. She asked me 3 times why i am not married.." thought you'd be snapped up yrs ago" was the comment that she made!!
She has called me several times and we have chatted. She wants to meet up again soon.
I could NOT have an affair with her..even though old & new feelings have surfaced.
I need to find out whats going on with her.
I have posted my "problem" on here and was villified for starting an affair with a married woman even though I havent/couldnt do anything like that.
Would be interested in yr situation
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