A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Not so much a love/relationship question but...Is it acceptable to attend the bride's bridal shower and bachelorette party but not her wedding?My best friend Sam and her boyfriend planned a trip a few months ago, and I, along with her good friend Jane and her boyfriend went. Before the trip, her good friend Jane and I were merely acquaintances. Just so happens that Jane's boyfriend proposed on the trip. In addition, I got to know Jane and I could consider her a friend more so than an acquaintance now. Well now her wedding is coming up and I've been invited to the wedding, bachelorette party and bridal shower. I feel like I was invited to the wedding because I was there to celebrate the marriage proposal on the trip and that she feels obligated to invite me because I was there when she was proposed too. But even though I say we are friends, we are not good friends, we are friends through Sam. It's not like I know her friends nor her family. Recently, Jane's boyfriend was over Sam's house and was saying how the wedding guest list is huge and he honestly can not wait to receive reply letters that RSVP as "not attending." I don't think it was directed towards me, but rather just saying it over frustration because a huge guest list means a lot of money has to be spent, but it got me to thinking that I shouldn't attend the wedding because I'm not close friends. At the same time, I want a chance to celebrate and give her the wedding gift, so is it okay to come to the bridal shower and bachelorette party and not her wedding?Do those go hand in hand?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
 She invited you because she considers you a friend.
DO you like this woman? if so why would you consider not attending an event she invited you to?
if it's a first wedding, trust me lots of folks she barely knows are invited and that's who she's whining about...
ASK her what she would prefer... it is her special day after all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): Yes it's okay to go to the bridal shower and bachelorette part without going to the wedding, but first of all I really believe she want you at all 3 because you were there when he proposed to her, that means a lot then you would have been there from proposed to the wedding, before you make up your mind not to attend the wedding, call the bride because it may not be the way you're thinking or feeling, you just met her so there must be something about you she like (attituide/personality) to invited you to all 3
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2012):
 I would call the bride and tell her you can't make the wedding but that you would still LOVE to celebrate her bridal shower and bachelorette party.
They do NOT go hand in hand btw.
bachelorette parties is for usually the younger female friends who may or may not come to the wedding.
Bridal shower can be for anyone (females only, but at any age). You can give her the wedding gift at the bridal shower. Though most gifts for this event are usually themed.. sometimes naughty, or if she bake/cook.. Whomever plan it sets the tone/theme.
I didn't get to go to a really good friends wedding because I had a family birthday (75 years) that I had said yes to first - it had been planned for a long time and took place in Greece. But it did't stop me from help plan the bachelorette party with some good friend - her mom planned the bridal shower and I took part in that too. Both were a hoot!
So yes, you can do the bridal shower and bachelorette party and not have to show at the wedding AS LONG as you RSVP with a I can't make it. However, like I said, I would call the bride and talk to her.
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