A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It is slightly embarrassing for me to admit that we met online, on Craigslist. He asked for a strictly platonic activities partner, I answered. Well, in the end, due to scheduling differences we only went to the activity once. But he turned out to be one of the most amazing man I've met. Yes, he is geeky, not meeting the popular standards for physically attractive and he openly claims that he is extremely inexperienced with the opposite sex. Despite these social faux-pas, he is also extremely considerate, sweet, sensible and intelligent. I asked him out to concerts, meals and ice-skating and he complied every time (even though sometimes taking very long to respond to his emails, since he is extremely busy). We always manage to drag on the "dates" from a few hours to spending the entire day with each other. Nevertheless, there were never any clear indication of "sparks" or "chemistry" as described in various sources of dating advice. All I can say is I do get a consistent warm and fuzzy feeling inside me when I am with him. Neither of us are flirtatious, but I do realize that we often just stare at each other and grin like idiots (not sure if that's flirting).We have had very little physical contacts on all of our outings. Our goodbyes usually consists of awkward silences of him not knowing what to do and me wishing he'd kiss me goodbye, then he finally resolved and went for a handshake... the most that he's done is hold my hands when we ice-skate, yet stopped after we leave the rink. I don't know if he considers any of our outings "dates". Or if he has any inkling of my feelings for him. I am not sure he will ask me out for anything if I hadn't ask him first. Recently, getting a bit tired of acting neutral to prevent from coming on too strongly to him, I wrote him a funny and flirtatious email, asking to celebrate his birthday with him (coming in two weeks). I am still waiting for his reply. The delay in his reply (I've been waiting for a week now), is excruciating for me since I am also shy and never been so forward in pursuing a relationship before. I am not sure when I'll see him again if he never replies to the email, and I am not sure if I should be honest to him about my feelings, knowing well that he is extremely busy now and probably want to focus on getting his degree than a relationship. my questions are 1.) Does he have any idea that I might fancy him? Or are all of my attempts to ask him out not clear enough?2.) Should I stop being so forward and just wait for him to pursue me instead?3.) Should I ask for a relationship when I know that he is extremely busy now and probably cannot manage to meet me for anything more than once per week? (not that I will mind terribly though, being quite busy myself as well)
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flirt, met online, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008): Oh Dear!Don't feel so bad.There are lots of other fish out in the sea.Hope you feel better soon.Merry Christmas!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe never replied. I sent him another email later. No replies. My guess is that I scared him away by being too forward. I am unsure of how to continue from now, I guess I will go on with life pretending that I never met him.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Sometimes at first all these qualities seem endearing, the injured bird to heal with our love. But after a while, these traits might become annoying.
I think that the next time you see him to kiss him on the lips and tell him that you really like him. That you would like to actually see if a relationship is possible or if he just wants a friend and companion, that is okay too.
You just need to know what is going on.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Sounds like hes a bit shy. There's nothing to be ashamed of meeting him online, I know loads of people who have met online and gone on to form good relationships even ended up getting married. With that out of the way it sounds like you both enjoy each others company. If he's the one asking for purely platonic then it's up to him to let you know if he changes his mind. He's probably started out like this through lack of confidence. Over time and more meetings, the barriers will surely break down and you will get to know each other better. I wish you well. hope this helps.
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