A
male
age
41-50,
*heff
writes:I am currently in a long distance relationship with a girl who for the last 3 years has been amazing. This is a temporary thing, just for the summer. I have been cheated on several times in the past, and even though she calls me every night when she goes to bed and I call her to wake her up every morning, I still can't get the thought out of my head that she is cheating on me. I have no reason to think this other than that she is far away with no one I know, and I would really have no way of knowing if she did. I guess my main question is how do I stop thinking like this? She says she wants to marry me and we even went and looked at rings once when I went to visit her, but I just can't seem to get the little voice in my head to stop telling me something is wrong. What should I do?
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male
reader, theff +, writes (7 July 2010):
theff is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone thank you for the help. She wasn't cheating, but the little voice was right that something was wrong, she wanted to take a break (see new question lol). Thanks again for the help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): The first poster is completely right. Sadly the current bf/gf always gets the sins of the ex's. It's normal. But it's also something that you need to get under control. When these thoughts start to happen just think that it was the Ex who cheated and that this new girl would never cheat on you. Think of all the good times you've had together and how she wouldn't and couldn't throw that all away because she loves you. Just think like that and it should help. If it continues to bother you talk to your gf about it. Don't accuse her of anything just explain that your ex cheated on you and you just worry about it happening again. Make sure she understands you do trust her but are just scared. Don't cause a fight but she'll be able to reassure you and help you work through it.Oh and by the way, I was in a long distance relationship for a whole year and every summer since and the person I'm with never has and never would cheat. Distance doesn't mean cheating
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A
female
reader, prgirl71 +, writes (3 July 2010):
Normally I would say if you feel like something is "off" something probably is....but in your case I would say you've suffered like many of us have from infidelity and unless your gf has started being inconsistent in some way - you should not obsess about it. When someone is cheating there is always some sign so if you aren't seeing any then don't obsess.
Also, remember....if it's going to happen it's going to happen whether you obsess over it or not...so don't waste your time on the negative feeling - just try to enjoy the relationship and, if you must, have a conversation with her about it. Good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 July 2010):
 The automatic voice will always pop up, it's a coping mechanism. It's preparing you for another heartbreak so it won't come as a shock if there is a "next time." Whenever that voice comes out again, don't shut it up, don't tell it to go away. It's like a loop in a damaged record and then it fades a way like at the end of a song. Then be aware of the gap when the voice is gone, feel how peaceful it is without that mental mumble jumbo. Try to widen that gap. With practice the gaps become longer and longer. As long as that voice utters the first syllable you are able to blank it out. You will see it for what it is, it's just an annoying voice belonging to its own miserable world. It has no place in your relationship. Like krunk said no all girls are like that. Don't make your girlfriend pay for your ex's mistakes.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (3 July 2010):
dont judge your current relationship on past relationships because it will just make you miserable.. my x would insult me in public and yell at me constantly and with my current boyfriend in the beginning i was always on pins and needles until i realized that not everyone is the same he never ever insults me or treats me bad he is awesome and at first i would always cause arguments becuase of my previous mental abuse :( dont treat the one women that has not hurt you like the whores from the past
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