A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I messed things up in my last relationship. It's a long story, but my life wasn't where I wanted it, and I got into a rut of smthg bordering on depression, and I just stopped being myself. I was needy and insecure and controlling and ... he did his part to contribute to things by the end, but it was mostly me. For the last six months or so I got my sh*t together and we tried to fix things, but it was just too damaged. Fast forward a year. We've both dated other ppl, but nothing serious for either of us. I'm in a much healthier, happier place - my life is fixed, my self-confidence is back, and I no longer even recognize that crazy person I was a few yrs back. I've grown up a lot, and so has he. We were out of touch for quite a while, but then he contacted me and wanted to talk abt getting back together, b/c he misses me and wanted to see whether things could be different.This guy is the love of my life. We get along so GREAT. We are best friends and absolutely share similar values. And the chemistry has never been a problem.But now we have all this history. And he's scared of trying again, b/c things had a way of just getting so messed up. What can I do to help him see that things are different now? I really believe that he wants to be back together, but he's scared and is finding it hard to trust that I really will stay how I am now, and not how I was then. Is there anything I can do to help him believe that? Or do I just have to wait? And at what point do I need to just stop waiting and move on w/ my life, and try to get over him? (I'm 28.)
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (11 August 2008):
 my ex boyfriend and i are talking about getting back together after years. i'd known him since middle school, he was my best friend, we dated for 2 years, but then he cheated on me.
i've forgiven him, and he has grown, but i still feel insecure thinking about going back into a relationship with him because we have past history, too. but we know we are meant to be together and are working towards it slowly but surely.
that is my best advice, slowly but surely. i can look at this from your guy's perspective because that is where i am right now.
just constantly reassure him, and SHOW him that you are different now. that he can depend on you, and that you will NOT go back to being that person. there isn't much more that you can do. consistency is the key. and let him take his time with getting over his fear. the best things are worth waiting for, and if he is the love of your life, i'm sure you will be understanding as he struggles to overcome the part of him that wants to keep his heart closed off and protected from future heartbreak.
good luck!
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