A
male
age
41-50,
*zidad
writes:Hi everyone. This is my first question as it is really the first time in a long time that I've had a problem like this. I've been with my wife for 5 years and the sex has been increadible for both of us since day one. Now my wife is usually very horny by nature and has never said no to me that I can recall. We had our first child about 2.5 years ago and things changed a little but not too much, we just had to work around our new addition to the family. We have recently had another child and now things have changed dramatically. We have not had sex for about 6 months and there have been some reasons which I can understand from her end. I should have mentioned this earlier but she also used to give me oral and visa versa a lot. Now she knows how much this not being intimate means to me and we have spoken about it a couple of months ago when she said she is just tired all the time. She isn't having an affair. Am I being unreasonable to want some oral occasionally until she can have sex again? I've even had thoughts of cheating on her to show her how much this means to me. Please help as I don't want to cheat but I don't know what to do anymore.
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affair, horny, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Yay great to hear. We are complicated creatures us women :-)
A
male
reader, ozidad +, writes (15 July 2010):
ozidad is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies, and sorry it's a bit late but I am gratefull. We've had a bit of a talk and it is basically just what you said moo's mum. You must know where it's at because after we talked I stroked her breasts and neck that night and she responded the way you said she might...and I was woken up a couple days later, by her mouth, after she dropped our daughter at child care. Hope that's not too graphic I don't mean for it to sound crude, but big smiles all round. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (7 July 2010):
was thinking about you last night and remembered another thing that makes me feel more like sex. I feel really close to my husband when he does stuff for me like clean the toilet or cook a meal or take the kids away for the morning and give me some time on my own. It makes me feel rejunivated and happier.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): How is she otherwise? Is she happy? Do the children drain her a lot? Do you still do romantic things for her, is the spark still alive?, I mean more than just sex. Does she know you love her (I mean by actions not words)?
I focus on emotional because women tend to be more emotionally based then men, but it could be anything.
If you cheat, you probably will kill other important things in any relationship, trust and respect.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (4 July 2010):
No you are not being unreasonable but for god's sake DONT cheat on her. I can totally understand where she is coming from having 3 kids myself. From a woman's point of view sex after children sometimes seems like just one more chore on the to do list. Kids hang off you all day and want to be kissed and hugged and need every little thing done for them and when bedtime comes you just want to sleep cause your brain is dead from the constant monotony of looking after children and god don't touch me cause I been pawed all over all bloody day. Then when your husband starts nuzzling up to you for sex it's like "Shit another person who wants me to please them and make them feel good, who the hell looks after me?" Now I know that sounds totally unreasonable on our (women's) part but that is how we feel sometimes and that coupled with hormones that have drastically changed makes sex a big ask sometimes. One thing I always wish my husband could do is just hug and stroke me without it having to lead into sex. Just to have someone completely focus on me only. If he did that for two nights in a row I'd probably jump his bones the next night :-)
All that being said it may pay for her to talk to her doctor about this because it could well be a hormone thing that can be fixed fairly easily.
Good luck my friend I know this will all work out for you. Keep talking and keep asking her what she needs and encourage her to talk to her doctor about this.
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