A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i jus need advice/opinions plz no judgement. I have a fwb and weve known eachother for awhile (graduated from high school together) and he told me that he used to think he was in love with me in high school. so now that were fwb he said he loves me but isnt in love wit me. but also told me that he doesnt like me bein wit other guys and that he knows he cant b my man bcuz he doesnt have anything goin for himself (no job) and wouldnt dare ask me to wait on him.but now it feels like hes kinda distancing himself from me and i dont what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 December 2009):
In a way, you could be right and he's telling you these things to distance himself. I don't think that all of a sudden having benefits in your friendship made him just love you and not be in love with you (such a cliche). Esentially, he just wants to not have the committment and responsibility of a relationship and wants the benefits of it, but becomes jealous if you see other people. So he wants you to be dedicated to him, but not him to you. That's not fair.
I've known guys to especially not want to be in a relationship when they don't have a job. I guess most men like to be providers and be good enough for women--I guess it's just a masculine thing.
I think you should probably tell him that obviously you two are on different pages and that you have different feelings and want different things and that he's right and it's not fair to you to wait around for him to get his act together. And honestly, you should let him go. Don't wait around for some loser (and he is one, I've dated a guy like this) and let someone much better that has their act together pass you buy. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): i said no judgement advice and opinions are more than welcome
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Well I'm not sure where the line between opinion and judgement would be drawn. I'll simply turn it into a question. What benefit, other than gratuitous sex, do you enjoy from a fwb relationship with an unemployed dude who has no love for you, but demands your sexual charms exclusively? Please do not ask me to suggest "what to do" without opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Well, he does sound rather confused about his feelings for you. Perhaps when you were both in high school he had a crush on you (you know: all starry-eyed, you think about the person constantly and can't wait to see them). Crushes are, by their very nature, temporary and tend to wear off once you really get to know another person "warts and all" so to speak. Maybe this is what happened to him. Yet, he does still care about you and since you're having sex with him, gets a bit jealous of other men.Complicating all this is the fact that his self-esteem must be rather low at present: no job in sight. That will do a number on a person's self-image. Given all that, plus the fact that he can't really offer you anythng, he's decided to start being more distant. I think all you can really do is to respect and accept where he's at right now and justlet him know he has your support in his efforts to find a job. One thing you can't do is to make him go back to the way he was before, unfortunately.Take care of yourself, and do the things YOU enjoy..........hope this is at least somewhat helpful.
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