A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 7 months is just completely off sex unless he is making a baby. Now that I'm pregnant, there is no attention or sexual contact of any kind. When I was pregnant before, he was much more attentive so I know it isn't around me being pregnant. He just doesn't seem at all interested in sex full stop. Can a man go for a long time without any kind of sexual gratification? He is not interested in talking about sex or any other kind of sexual arousal. I can't even get him aroused by touching him yet he will lay on the sofa night after night touching himself very successfully even though he knows this really really upsets me. I am fed up with "begging" for attention, he complains he is always tired, will have more energy tomorrow (tomorrow never arrives) or that we will have more time together when we are on holiday. When we are on holiday, yes you've guessed it, he is too tired and we've plenty of time (which of course never happens). I am now so fed up with the matter that I am sleeping in the spare room. It is better for me than sleeping next to him all night and having no contact whatsoever. I feel as if I am going mad. Yes, I've told him how I feel and he always says he will make an effort but of course, we might have sex once and then it's back to this old routine. I am young, vibrant, sexy and exciting yet I am fast beginning to feel old, frumpy, unloved and unattractive - it is really eating away at me. As for getting help, he doesn't think we have a problem and tells me I am a nag.I feel like I am his sister, a child-produer and a house-keeper. I long for some passion and can honestly say that if anyone gave me the slightest bit of attention to make me feel sexy, I would be very tempted to stray. I cannot believe I can say that but I can for the first time in my life understand why people do.Is this situation so unusual?Can anyone tell me how long a man can go without sex?Do you think he has a problem?Could he be gay?Why am I at the bottom of the list?What can I do about it?I would appreciate any views to help me.
View related questions:
on holiday, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Hello. The problem is very simple, albeit very trajic. All the tell-tale signs are evident. Your husband is having an affair (to one degree or another). Basically, he won't touch you because he is feeling guilty. If you attend church, I strongly recommend seeking help from your pastor.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Well, the first thing that entered my mind when I saw the topic was "what is the problem? YOUR PREGNANT!"
It is simple, most men just ain't attracted to a hippo. Sure slam me for being a sexist pig, but that is the truth. There are also men who just are turned of by the idea that a baby is there inside of you.
But there might be more going on. You are married 7 months and were trying for a baby straight away? Most couple wait a bit, if for no other reason then that the wedding cost a lot of money and you are going to need to safe up. Granted, your clock is ticking but why the rush?
"My husband of 7 months is just completely off sex unless he is making a baby." This sentence has me confused. You are married to shortly to see a real pattern as in that he only has sex with you between pregnancies. So what was the deal before, he only was intrested when you were fertile?
How much sex did you have before? The odd thing about male-female relations is that women often limit sex before there is a ring on their finger, but then find out that afterwards the man is not nearly as constantly ready as they thought. He may have seem insatiable before but that was because you had him on a ration, now that sex is unlimited, his demand is not nearly high enough for your supply.
This is an amusing thing I really seen happen. Say the man wants sex 2 per week before marriage, the woman limits him to 1, but she doesn't KNOW the amount he wants, only that it is more then one. After marriage the woman opens up, she now is ready for sex 7 times per week. The guy still only wants it 2 times per week. The woman cries out that the guy lost intrest. Nope, he still got the same intrest as before, it is the woman who has changed.
Semi-related to this is that some women seem to enjoy sex more and more the deeper the relation gets, some men on the other hand quickly loose intrest.
How long can men do without sex? Well if he only has sex for making babies I would say he is either gay or doesn't enjoy sex. Either way you a screwed (how is that for irony eh).
You say you can't even arrouse him when you touch him, did it work before? Or was he always the one to initiate it, not requiring but perhaps also not wanting your help in getting him ready?
I can really one come up with three reasons for his actions:
He is turned off by your pregnancy.
He is gay.
He could have a low sexdrive but then he wouldn't masturbate on the couch (in the living room?).
Whatever, you got problems, with a kid on the way you seriously need to think about how you are going to solve this. If he is merely turned off by you being pregnant, well then you better hope it goes away once the baby is born.
If he is gay, well then you better ask if you can life with that.
As for how long men can do without sex. Contrary to popular believe, longer then women. It wasn't until women became part of the space force that NASA started to think about the sexual needs of its astronauts. Men when faced with a goal can easily ignore sex. I got a cousin who serves in the navy, when his sub is on extended patrols they don't have sex for months, it ain't the men who go crazy without it. It is the wives.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi,
I always wonder when women ask the question "is he gay" that there must be something even subconciously there for the wife to suspect this. A lot of gay men produce children as a way of keeping their status in the community.
You really need to find out one way or the other, the way you put it is it sounds like a chore to him. Sex is never a chore for men who are straight.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (5 March 2008):
 This man sounds like he has an aversion to sex with pleasure. Does he say why he abstains from sex and was he like this when you first met? You say you guys have only been married for 7 months, if you knew he was like this before. Why did you get married? Is this situation unusual? Well do you friends have the same problem as you like you do with your husband? The answer I would say is, your friends are likely to have a good sex life with their partners and not just for procreation. You sound like you do not know your husband very well, what I mean is you don't know whether he is gay or not and there is a total breakdown of communication.I think you guys should go to a marriage guidance councellor and have a long serious discussion about this problem otherwise this will cause major problems and you do not want a divorce on your hands would you? So please try and get to the bottom of this and see why he refuses to have sex with you, he may have a deep rooted problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Hi :) First of all its not you - its him!!!!! HIM HIM HIM!!! I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. Ive been there once - I was with my ex, and we were only going out for a year and a half, when all of a sudden work started getting to him more, getting a house (ok, thats a bit of pressure) and he stopped touching me for a MONTH!!! I was 20 at that time, he was 26, there is just no way a NORMAL guy would not want to have sex for a month (well he still wanted me to pleasure him!!!)Anyways, what it all meant back then is only clear to me now - he has and always will have low energy levels, he spent it all in work during the day and any extra chores - drained him! So slightest stress left him with no energy for real sex...That might be your case, or he has some psychological issues with you being pregnant? Or well, i dont know, he still mastrubates, so I think he is being completely selfish and im so sorry to hear that you have to go through that...At least flirt with other guys, get yourself and online buddy and well you can always pleasure yourself, but one thing for sure - you cant go on like this for long! Take care of yourself and well - get yourself a MAN!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Maybe he is gay and he is just using you as a way to keep himself in the closet. Also a lot of gay men still want a family, and this could be why he isn't interested in you unless he's making a baby.
...............................
|
