A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was 18, I began dating a man who was 25. At first my friends and family were wary of the age gap, but we clicked and he turned out to be the love of my life.I'm 23 now, he's 30, and we're still together. Throughout our relationship, I never questioned his motives for getting together with me. We had lots in common, similar sense of humor and values, we got along well, had great physical chemistry, so I always shrugged off the idea that the age difference mattered. Aside from a few issues (marriage timetables), things have been great.I guess what bothers me now is that, at age 23, I cannot relate to 18 year olds really. I don't see them as children by any means because I'm still very young myself, but I have no friends that young and don't feel like I have much in common there.What bugs me is, if I feel this way at 23 - how could he have been interested in an 18 year old at age 25? Thinking back on it now, he was a grown man with a full time job and a house. I was a college freshman who lived in a dorm, couldn't drink legally and had to go home to study every night. I went to dorm parties while he went to lawyer's dinners.He never pressured me for sex, nothing like that, so I struggle now to figure out what the heck he saw in me when I was only a teenager. I can't imagine myself dating a guy in high school or college (and when we began dating, I was a few months from graduating high school).This shouldn't bother me because we've had 5 happy years together, I love him, he's a FANTASTIC, good man. But I guess this is in the back of my head somehow.Silly right? Any insight? I feel horrible posting this because it's like I'm saying he was a perv or creep or something and that's so far from the truth. our relationship has been happy and healthy and my family/friends love him.~Jennie Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): When I was in my teens and early 20s, younger women bored the heck out of me. I wanted them older if anything. And yet now in my mid-30s I find myself with a woman 8 years younger than me and we get along better than anything. It's weird but it happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Jennie hi, you're bothering too much where you shouldn't. Ever heard of nurture? Yes, if I see potential in you of you being the mother of my children someday I'd nurture the relationship to that end.
If he's not bothered to leave you to possibly date other ladies, then he probably rates you higher than them and he'll soon be clear of where or how he wants the r/ship to go on.
And you can always sit him down n have that h-2-h talk just to be clear, and stop reading paranoia where there isn't. The man probably just honestly loves you(And I'd do the same) for you and you doubting him?!! I'd be deeply hurt if I knew that's how you now see me.
Relax cutie, just love him as he does you..
...............................
A
male
reader, vospie  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 It's a real shame that you are thinking this way because, from your description, you have a great deal in common with your man and five years on, you and he are still going strong.
I know we are socialised to consider our potential partners within a strict age band but sometimes we see love beyond these restrictive boundaries and I think that is not a bad thing because, at the end of the day, whilst age is a factor, there is more to liking and loving someone than simply the age of that person.
He liked your character; no doubt he also saw you as pretty and sexy. You might not have 18 year old friends now but so what? You are so close still to being 18, you probably avoid them in order to establish the security of your identity as an older person. He just didn't have that same need.
What really matters is how you feel about each other and even if he did initially like you because of your age, he has stuck by you, been lovely to you and still continues to make your life worthwhile. whatever his initial motives, they have blossomed into a love for you that you should feel lucky to have.
I'm not suggesting he initially had sinister motives either. A man can like a woman for any reason, so long as they are sincere and giving, what's the problem.
I think it is a shame that you are harbouring this concern inyour head and I really hope you find a way to deal with it
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Some men find younger women easier to deal with because they are a little more naive and less critical.They are easily impressed by their accomplishments, and the girls tend to respect them more, due to the age gap. They don't mind dealing with an immature girl because to a certain degree, it makes them feel more mature....and some men just like the look of a younger women.The fact that you are asking the question at all indicates that you are perceptive and mature. I suspect you were the same way at 18. Perhaps that's what he saw in you. If you're happy with the relationship, I wouldn't question it too much. You can always ask him you know...
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (18 February 2011):
Yes, you're worrying about nothing. He'd be a creep if you were much younger but I'm sure at 18 you looked a "young woman" rather than a child! See it as a good thing that you're younger than him, you'll always have youth on him and that aint a bad thing. You're really screw your relationship up if you keep thinking this way about him, it can't be healthy to have concerns that he is some kind of weirdo for wanting to date you.
...............................
A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (18 February 2011):
You're worrying about nothing : a theoretical issue at most and one which is in the past.
Forget such nonsense and give thanks you have a great relationship with a great guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (18 February 2011):
 It could be that you were just mature for your age. but honestly you say you guys clicked, had a lot in common. If you met someone older/younger that had some of the same values or interest as you you would see age doesnt matter, esp if they can handle themselves in a mature manner.
...............................
|
