A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My husband and I are expecting a baby in November. He has two children already but this is our first together. The problem is that since we found out about the baby (it was planned) he has been experiencing erection problems. He has recently opened up to me about it and he is worried, and stressing out about it. I have a couple of ideas about what could be causing the issue, and I believe it is an emotional issue rather than a physical one. My ideas. 1) His ex was abusive and she has, for the last seven years blocked him from seeing his children. Maybe he is scared, now that I am pregnant? 2) Trying for a baby wasn't exactly romantic. It was timed sex to fall in line with ovulation and was somewhat robotic as a result. Maybe this has affected him? Other than those two things, I can't think of any other reason for it. He has told me that he's feeling stressed...... Any advice on how I can help my husband is welcome, but I'd particularly like a male perspective on this. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2019): Have your husband talk to his doctor.It could be anything not just stress.Best to learn of the problem is physical or not.I know someone who is only 19 who has testical cancer.It happens as do prostate problems.Rule that out first.Then let us know if there is still a problem.If there is nothing psysical wrong then have him see a therapist so he can work thru his fears.It will be ok this is only a small bump in what is life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 June 2019):
 First congrats on the pregnancy!
Some men also have a hard time having sex during a pregnancy because they think it can harm the baby.
BUT I think he already told you, he is stressed. So my advice would be to dial down the sexy time for now.
While the baby isn't due yet, maybe putting money aside for baby stuff a little at the time starting now, will help lessen some of the stress.
Find some good DAD books. Could be he is also worried that he might not be a good dad or that he feels he doesn't know enough to become a dad.
Spend time together. cuddle up on the couch, show physical gestures (not initiate sex but hugs, kisses, run your fingers through his hair, touch hiss arm etc.) Little things that tells him that you STILL want to BE around him, with out putting pressure on him to perform.
Hopefully HE will work through whatever it is and get back to normal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2019): It's seems like you are overthinking this one. Lots of men struggle to adjust to pregnancy sex, whether it's the weight of impending responsibility, the worry about the financial impact or the irrational but non-the-less potent'it might hurt the baby' concerns its all there. Alternatively it's just other stress. Don't make it into a big deal. Don't make it about you and most likely it'll be a short term thing. Alternatively some over the counter help will most likely draw a line under his psychological block which can be self-fulfilling as he tries harder and harder to concentrate his way out of it.If the non sexy sex of conceiving has made a more serious dent in his libido, try taking sex out of the normal environment. Not al fresco, as that a whole other level of stress, but a hotel, a weekend away might help. Overall emphasise how much you want him, not how frustrating not having sex is. Good luck
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