A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just started up a relationship with a married man. And it's killing me inside because I feel so sorry for his wife who I know does not deserve what we are doing to her.The problem is.Myself and this man have a very long history together. We went out for a while but during the relationship I become pregnant and had a abortion without telling him. After having the abortion I felt so guilty I become like ice towards him and then left England to travail around Europe for 2 years. We never formally broke up I was just going through so much crap I had to leave and clear my head.When I come back we met up again and have been talking continually for the past 4 months. We both love each other very much, I have told him about the abortion and he was upset that I never told him at the time because things would have been so different.When I left he found a re-bound girl and ended up marrying her. But he has said he loves me more then he loves her, and has said he will leave her, which I want him to do, but not want him to do. I believe that marriage is a life time commitment. Because of this we have not had sex because we both know that what we are doing is wrong but by going down that road it will make it even more worse then it is now.I just don't know what to do. Do I let him leave his wife, or do we hide how we are feeling and just carry on with out own life unhappy and living lies or what. Its all getting me rather down to be honest.ThanksXxX
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Don't think it would be fair to his wife. What ever problems he may have with his wife, he needs to deal with it. If he were to divorce his wife, I'd fear he'd be on a rebound with you.
What happened in the past is in the past. Hopefully you've learned that the better way to deal with something is to be upfront with the person, and then work it out from there.
We all make mistakes. We think what the other person thinks, and sometimes we get it wrong.
Knowing what to do depends on your interation with him, making sure he has his head on straight and that he isn't looking for an easy way out of one situation, that may present him to you with issues not fixed yet, meaning you get them too.
A
female
reader, Blue Dimond +, writes (13 March 2008):
 You shouldn't make him brake up with his Wife because that will get you and him into even more trouble with her and so will hiding behind her back - that's just damn right Rude, to be honest with you.i know you two love each other lots and you've known eachother for ages but to be quite honest, with the situation that you have... it may be best that you just keep friends and nothing more... It's intirely up to you what you do but i'm just saying that it would be best if your just friends and you could mabe hug and French Kiss when ever you see him because to be quite honest it's not worth all the hasel if his wife finds out because it'll just get Ugly.At the end of the day it's your desition but i've told you what i think you should do, you don't have to though - your choice. -BlueDimond.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): You had left and it has been two years. Within that time he has fallen for a girl and married her. I doubt he just married her for the convinience and I am sure that there was more to this.
I commend you for not sleeping with him whilst he is in this relationship as it shows respect for yourself and for all parties involved. The fact still remains however, that you both broke up for a reason and the reason being a lack of communication and insecurities. He has chosen to get on with his life and if he leaves his wife it should be for his own reasons not yours. You say that you want him to leave and then you do not! as marriage is a life long commitement.
You should try and take a step back and let him figure out what he wants. If he decides to leave her then so be it but you can not dictate what he does and quite frankly do not have a say. This is his mess and he needs to be man enough to sort it out. You cannot end the marriage for him he has to do it for himself.
It is sad what you went through with the abortion and such a shame that you did not have the courage to talk to him at the time about it. It must have been a real difficult time for you especially with you handling it alone. There n=must have been so much emotions brought up when you finally let himn know your reasons behind the relationship breakdown. You both dived back in time and opened up pandoras box.
Time has moved forward however and you both seem to care so much about each other. You have to let him decide what he wants to do and take a back seat whilst he decides.
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