A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About six months ago I worked with a guy that I really liked but I just got out of a relationship, not ready to date yet :(Well we recently reconnected about two months ago and started seeing each other which at first was really great! Super connection great chemistry. I know that he was married and that he is now divorced with two kids and that they live in the same city with him he's recently relocated after years of living in the MidwestThe kids came back to town with their mom about a month after we started that was when things changed. I knew it would somewhat but I didn't realize the extent of how much of a change. He got very busy even too busy to talk for more then a few minutes at night. He mentioned me meeting the kids but each week there was another delay. He got busier at work too. I also found out they are "separated" but the divorce papers are not finalized. This may just be a paperwork issue entirely and laziness on both their parts but still it made me feel uneasy. I also found out they had hooked up (the ex) maybe a year after the separation which was about two years ago.Anyway I'm getting anxious and ancy and uncomfortable and I don't know what to doAm I catstrophizing or does this seem bad to anyone else? He is great to me when we are together. There is no doubt he cares for me. But maybe he isn't all there?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (7 September 2015):
 Hi,
i would strongly advise you to go straight to the horses mouth and ask him exactly what is going on.
Ask him in a calm, rational, non-judgemental and non-pushy manner, why he didn't inform you earlier on, that he is seperated, not divorced and let him know exactly how you feel, regarding everything that's bothering you.
Your relationship is still very young, so technically speaking, it makes sense as to why he's not shared much personal information with you just yet and why he perhaps, doesn't feel obligated to.
He may well enjoy your company, he may care about you, but this doesn't necessarily mean that he is serious about you, nor fully committed to you, at such an early period in your relationship.
The other, more serious issue is that, he is going through, what appears to be, a lot of 'stuff' with his ex & his children at present.
He is obviously carrying some stress right now and it makes perfect sense that he cannot possibly give you 100% attention, nor engage with you and only you fully, regardless of how much you may wish he would and/or could.
I know you've not mentioned this, however, as you obviously like this guy, you'd have certain 'expectations' surrounding your new relationship and this is normal.
Nobody who is in a relationship, wants to be made to feel second best, nor do they want to question their relationship.
Again, this is very simple.
You must ask him directly, so that you know exactly where you stand with him, thus allowing you to make the right decision as soon as possible, regarding your future, rather than wasting your precious time, with the wrong person.
All the best and let me know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): I am the original poster not sure how to repost though
Thanks for the feedback. The ex knows about me she has a new boyfriend but I don't understand why they aren't officially divorced. Just clarifying
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 September 2015):
 Someone who hides the fact that he isn't "really" divorced is hiding it for a reason.
My guess is if they haven't finalized it he could be putting you on the back burner, because IF he is found out (to be dating someone) the wife can use it against him in the divorce. OR... there has been talk of a reconciliation - he just conveniently "forgot" to mention that to you. OR he was not quite as serious about you as he SAID he was. Words are cheap...
So it was only really the FIRST month you dated that it was super great, ever since the wife got back he pulled away...
Now personally, you meet the kids after 1-2 months is WAY too soon. No matter how serious he is. However, it sounds good for him to say it, doesn't it? Like he was/is serious about you. But it hasn't happened....
There are several stages and types of separations.
1. is a legal separation, it means both have taken steps to initiate divorce. In some states there are a 6-12 months "wait" or separation timer before the divorce can be initiated, mostly common IF there are kids of the marriage.
2. Agreed separation. It's not legally binding. I would compare it to a "break" in a relationship. Doesn't always leads to a divorce. But the couple aren't doing so well living together.
3. Geographical separation. One of the spouses had moved away from the family for work. Still VERY much married and with no plans of divorce.
If he is a very involved father it might be why he got so busy, because no matter what his kids should be his priority.
Have you sat him down and asked what is going on? I would, if I were you. Unless you want to continue seeing him on the sly... like some mistress.
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