A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have moved 3000 miles to be with my husband. He has been mentally and verbally abusive to me in ways I can't even begin to describe. In ways that caused me to vomit blood while he laughed. We rent a house, I have nobody here and no way to leave and no where to go. 3 weeks ago I told him that if he didn't want to get the help he needed to fix what ever it is that causes him to treat me this way then he has to leave. Since he does not think there is anything wrong with the way he treats me, he left blaming me for kicking him out. I don't know where he was staying, but apparently they kicked him out too. He just showed up here telling me that he is moving back in. He still does not want to get help or even admit that he treated me wrong. He just dosen't have anywhere else to go. I told him that all he has ever been to me is a roomate and if I wanted him for a roomate, I never would have asked him to leave. He does not see the insult in him coming back here and basically telling me that I am not worth trying for even though I am the only one that ever tried at all. I do not want him here if he is not here to get the help that he needs to fix what he broke. He says he is on the lease and he is staying and there is nothing I can do about it. After he left I was scared because I didn't know where I was going to go or what I was going to do, but in general I felt better then I had in two years. Now he is back and my head hurts and I can feel my own blood pressure rising. I can not live like this, but what can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Hi dear, I am so happy that you are taking steps to put your life in order so that you will strive. It is okay to be scared, remember when you first went to school, or when you first started a new job, very scary time. These are human emotions and we will always feel them, but as time goes on, we get used to the change, we adapt. You are going to be alright, especially with the support of family and friends around you, people who care. Keep moving forward and don't look back. This time in two months, once you are home again, you will feel safe and secure. Never be afraid to do what you know is best for you, sometimes the thing we call "luv" is not enough. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to change the situation, some people keep making excuses for whatever it is they think will make it better, and it only makes it worse. Sing the song to yourself, "We Shall be Free", because we all need freedom from pain and stupid oppression by crazy, selfish people.
We are all growing up even at ages where we think we are already grown. It is a lifetime process. Good luck always to you and your family. Stay in touch, and don't stop looking forward. let your family know what is going on, as you move toward them, so they know you are safe. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I know you are right. I guess I have just been hanging on because home is 3000 miles away. We moved here 2 years ago with big hopes and big dreams and I believed in every one of them. I know I only stood by him while all his dreams came true and the only way my dreams will come true for me and my children is to break away from this nightmear and realize that "our" big dreams were only ever about him getting what he wanted. What I wanted never mattered. Well he got it all and I hope he is happy. I waited so long for him to want the same for me, but today I made those calls to my family and friends telling them I am coming home. I am so scared, but the pain of leaving can't possibly be as bad as the pain of staying. Thank you for your concern and support. It helps to know that there are good people who do care.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (21 February 2009):
Hi there, First of all, the good thing is that you are renting. I would first of all write a letter to your landlord or call and let them know that you are being abused, you can't take it anymore and you are breaking the lease. Then I would leave or whatever order you want to do it in, leave first and then write them, it does not matter. This person is not your friend, he has no respect for you. You have nowhere to go, how about going back to where you moved from. There are shelters somewhere in your town, search the phone book, call the Chamber of Commerece, call a hospital, call a law firm, any of these should be able to tell you where you can go. You are going to allow him to destroy you, if you stay in this house with this man. I am hoping that you have a job. You should tell someone in your town about his behavior so that someone can vouch for you if you have to talk to the police. Hopefully it won't get to that, but let's be real. Abusive men, verbally or physically, cannot be trusted. Leave the premises, if he won't go, let him be responsible for the rent, he's living there. Find a limb to climb out of this quicksand. Don't try anymore to fix this relationship, it's destructive and totally not worth it. If you have a friend, ask them if you can stay there for a while and please do not let him know where you are. There might be a YWCA in your town, call them up, they used to have rooms available. Or look in the paper for someone who might want to rent a room, there are ways out of this. You have to have your mental health to survive, you will not have it with this man, and I hope you realize this. You only have you, and you must love yourself first. Having a stroke because of a crazy person makes no sense at all. Stay in touch, and good luck, you will make it through this. Take care always.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): You need to leave this man because he is hurting you!! There are programs and private places you can go to get help!!!!I am a man so this just gets me mad!!! Every woman deserves someone who will treat them right and not lay a single hand be on a woman!!
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