A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator's Note: Poster's real age is 13, not 18-21]okay, this question wasnt posted for me to be insulted. so if you have a problem then please leave your comments out.im 13, nearly 14, and i am desperete for a baby.i was watching a documentary on TV, and i saw the ups and the downs of being a teenage mum, and it still didnt put me off, can someone please help me, am i really ready for a baby or is it just a phase i am going through?!loves xx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Having a baby as a teenager is like being grounded for eighteen years! No girl is prepared to be a good mom at 13, even if the father is old enough to love both of you and accept responsibility. Think of the life you're creating and the adverse childhood experiences for that child. You don't have an education, experience, or support a good parent needs. I suggest you volunteer at a nursery
A
female
reader, brianna6037  +, writes (8 April 2010):
having a baby is a big step in your life. Having a kid means that you are willing to give up your child to look after it 24/7 and giving up everything. Its just a phase and i think that it will eventually go away. And just think what your family would think of you if their 13 year old kid had a baby. I am not trying to convince you not to but just remember you need to find a father that i going to be faithful to your kid. And also when your 13 you are not physically ready to carry a child. So just consider these things when making a major life decision.
Hope that helps
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female
reader, maddiee-maii +, writes (8 April 2010):
you put your self in danger having a kid your age
there are increase in problems with you and baby
and you increase your chances of cervical cancer having a baby young
i neednt talk i know coz i had twins at 14 - but yes i can talk coz i have been there and one of my twins is disabled
needs around the clock care you dont think it will happen but you dont know the future (unless you do)
you dont want no want to tell you the truth dont you mean when you say 'okay, this question wasnt posted for me to be insulted. so if you have a problem then please leave your comments out.' but am sorry someone needs to give it to you my family disoned me .. a tell you what why dont you tell your mam you want a baby and if you cannot do that well think how hard it is saying your pregnant - i know you wont so you think you grown up but trust someone thats been there and is there + they dont stay a cute little baby for long
please get a grip onto realaty
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Wanting a baby and being physically capable of having a baby does not mean you're ready for it at all.
You'll find a lot of girls your age and a bit older who might think they're ready for a baby. But you don't find many women who did it in their mid-teens and would still do it again looking back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): I wanted a child at 15 and now that i am finally pregnant at the grand old age of 25 ... i feel like running for the hills screaming "i'm not ready, i don't want it, take it back, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!". Wanting something and then experiencing the reality of it is completely different, i am really glad i never got pregnant before the age i am because i am barely coping now as it is. You have your whole life a head of you to have children, why do it when you are still a child yourself - live a little because the more life you experience, the more wisdom and experience and knowledge you can pass on to the next generation. Plus, its hard dating and working and generally having a life when you have a kid - do you really think you'll get much chance to go out in your late teen years if you have a kid, you'll miss a whole lot and be envious of your childless young friends. What if you wanted to go to university, travel the world or stalk the jonas brothers until one caves and marrys you (lol) - you wouldn't be able to do any of that, not saying you would do that stuff but the fact you'll be giving yourself no choice to do any of that stuff is the issue. You may not finish school or have enough money to support yourself - then you'd be an uneducated single teenage mum either depending on your parents or the tax payers money. There is a saying that you shouldn't have children unless you can (yourself) provide for them and take care of them - at 13, you can't even provide for yourself.
You wil hopefully grow out of the wanting a baby stage as you learn how wonderful life can be with no responcibilities. Just don't do any thing rash - remember what you do today effects your whole life and if you have a child, you can't just stop being a mother. Be a kid - enjoy life - talk to your folks about how difficult it was raising you etc. Baby sit for people etc.
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reader, hpoco  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 The other aunts have excellent responses, read them and heed them! I just wanted to add that wanting a child is not usually a "phase" for a woman. I am 27, and I knew I wanted to have children since I was about your age. I also knew it would be really selfish and a bit less fun if I got pregnant in high school. What is the rush? Do you really need to fulfill every desire you have the instant you realize you have it? I hope you know I am not trying to insult you with these questions, what I am trying to do it persuade you not to run out and get pregnant. Which is, I think, what you were looking for when you came to this site. (I hope you weren't really wanting someone to say: go ahead, have a baby, because I don't think there are people as irresponsible as that on here).
Babies are AWESOME, I agree. But, they stop you from doing a lot. Its better for them and you if they come along at the right time. In the meantime, try getting a regular babysitting job, or working in a day care. I was a nanny during school breaks, and it was a great learning experience and a fantastic way to appease my desire for children a little.
Good luck to you!
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Is this you? The poster of this question had also seen a BBC3 programme about teen mums and thought she was "Ready".
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-a-baby-at-13.html
If it is not you, then I really suggest you read through that question and all the answers.
I quote you
"okay, this question wasnt posted for me to be insulted. so if you have a problem then please leave your comments out."
No one is going to tell you what you want to hear. So if that is insulting to you, maybe you need to think about WHY people wont agree with you.
If you were grown up enough to have a child then you would realise that at 13, you are not ready, emotionally capable, or finanacially stable enough to have a child. Let alone all the physical problems you would face.
NO ONE is ready to have a child at 13.
This is a phase and it will pass. You just have to be grown up enough to realise this, and to carry on just being young. Do not throw your life away by having a baby too soon.
Read what KC has said. She has hit this spot on as usual. Take her advice and learn from this.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Basically NO you are not ready for a baby and YES it is just a phase.
This sort of question is asked a lot on this site, by many girls aged between 13 and 18. So this is pretty much what I say to all of them:
First of the all the reason you "want" a baby is because of puberty - your hormones are running riot in your body at the moment and they are designed to make you think you want a child. As soon as you start your periods technically your body thinks it is ready to have a child, so this is an instinct that has long been built in to our bodies. The whole point of life is to reproduce, so as soon as we physically can reproduce our bodies start urging us to do so. So what you are feeling is normal however it is a phase - and you will grow out of it! Just because your hormones are raging it does not mean you have to follow them; medicine and society have come a long way and we know it is not a good idea for teens to have babies.
Here are just a few reasons why:
1. Teens have a much higher risk of complications during a pregnancy. You would be particularly susceptible to have small/underweight babies (due to your body not being developed enough to allow the baby to grow properly), premature birth and high blood pressure. Small babies are 60% more likely to have health problems and even die at birth or in the first few weeks of their lives.
2. You are still a child yourself and dont have much life experience. Think about why your parents are great and the good things about the way they brought you up - I bet a lot of it has to do with the wisdom and knowledge they were able to pass on to you. They only gained that wisdom and knowledge through experiencing life for all it has to offer, not giving up a large part of their childhood to raise children! At 13 you are just starting out in the world, you have so much left to learn and so much more growing up to do. So if you dont let yourself learn and grow fully, you wont be able to pass anything on to your children because you just havent experienced enough to know anything about the world! Surely you want to be able to offer your child as much as possible, so they grow up in an enriched environment and they become intelligent, successful people? You will be severely limiting their chances at this if you have a child now.
3. Finances. Where do you think you are going to get the money to have a child? They cost more money than you can ever imagine - even for a couple with 2 good incomes a child still drains all their money and they struggle for cash. You cant rely on your family for financial support either - is it fair to ask your family to spend all their extra cash on supporting you because you decided to get pregnant when YOU want, not when is BEST for everyone? You cant rely off benefits from the government either - what they give you is a tiny amount and you will be wasting taxpayers money by becoming just another teen mum. Before you have a child ideally you need your own house that you own, you should have a full time job and a partner with a full time job (both with career progression opportunities). Otherwise you are going to struggle financially and I'm sure you will want to be able to give your child everything it wants/needs - so surely waiting is the right thing to do?
4. Your boyfriend. Do you even have one?! A child needs a mum and a dad to raise it properly, it is not fair to bring a child into this world without a dad that wants to stick around for the rest of its life. And even if you do get a boyfriend sometime soon, the chances are he wont stick around if you get pregnant! The amount of times on this site I have seen young teenage mums come on complaining that after having a baby, their boyfriend's have left them or started becoming more distant/lazy. Every one of them always said "during the pregnancy he was really happy and couldnt wait for the baby to come" and then after it is born they are left wondering what went wrong while they are bringing up the baby alone! I know you might hope that the boyfriend you have at the time would stick around, but men are much more immature than girls during the teen years and when responsibility hits them, they get scared and run a mile! Men technically have no obligation to the child - whereas you carried it for 9 months and have an intense bond to the child, men dont really have any physical or emotional bond to the child. You are too young to handle this strain on a relationship that a baby brings. If you find a boyfriend and are still together in 10 years time then hell yes you can be sure you will be pretty fine once you have a kid. But right now, you both are still maturing and growing (they say men are not fully mature until the age of 30!) and you will change a lot as people over the next 10 years or so. So if you do decide to have a baby be very prepared to be a single mum and raise the child alone - and then struggle to meet anyone in the future because no man likes a woman with baggage (especially another man's baggage!).
5. Your social life. I am guessing you have lots of friends, and you like spending time with them right? I bet you like having fun at the weekends, going to the cinema and just hanging around with them. I bet you are looking forward to getting a bit older so you can start to go to clubs and bars and just have lots of fun. So are you ready to wave goodbye to all of that just to have a baby? Are you ready for your friend's to start ignoring you and you will be left with pretty much no-one? Are you ready to spend the next 18+ years of your life looking after one person, with no money to spend on yourself, no time to go out and enjoy yourself? Having a child is amazing a lot of the time, but only when you know that you have lived your life and had your own fun. Part of growing up is spending time with friends, when you get to 18 it is all about going out into town clubbing or going to bars....all of this you will completely miss out on! You wont have the money nor the time to leave the child and go out with friends, so for the next 18+ years you will be spending most of your nights at home with the child. While the child will be an amazing thing, you will resent him/her for taking away your opportunities to have fun.
6.Housing - where do you live? Do you have your own house (that you own rather than rent)? Do you have your own car? Bet the answer is no on this one! You cant expect your parents to raise another child as well as dealing with you (you are still a child!), and dont even think for a second it is a good idea to move out and get a council flat.
I think you know deep down that waiting until you are in your 20's is the right thing to do!
At the end of the day you will want to give your child the best possible life, and give the child everything it wants/needs. But you cant do that while you are still a child too, and while you still have so much life yet to live. Finish school, go to college/University - get a good education and then a good job. Enjoy being young and being free - life gets so much more complicated as you get older so you really should just make the most of your teenage years as you will never get them back. Think about this - what would you think if you had a daughter and she came to you at 13 and said "mummy I want a baby" - I'm sure you would try and talk her out of it because you will know how precious being a child is, and how precious life is before responsibilities kick in.
After all, what is the harm in waiting a few years? What is the big rush to have a baby? Do the right thing, wait a while and you will be so glad you did wait. Just put this down to being a bit hormonal and that it is just a phase that will pass. When you are older with a boyfriend/husband, a nice house and a good job - then you can start thinking about babies. But for now just forget all about this, it is just your teenage hormones running riot.
Read this question too http://www.dearcupid.org/question/struggling-to-cope-.html. This is a classic teen pregnancy that has resulted in health issues for the child because of her being so young when she got pregnant. Do you really want this to be your life?
I hope this helps and good luck!
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