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female
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anonymous
writes: Two months ago I entered a relationship with a very good friend. I had liked him for a while but was content being friends with him. While we were in the relationship he seemed really happy and he kept telling me how much he was falling for me. He also said that he didn't want it to be short term. I was totally shocked last week when he ended it. He found it difficult to give me an answer other than thet he couldn't get past that we were friends, although he said that he had meant everything he said in the relationship. He wants to to remain friends and so do I, and we have agreed to give it some time before we talk again.I really want him back. I don't want to lose him as somebody in my life.I suppose I have two real questions1. I want to make it clear that I want him back - but only for the right reasons (e.g. because he might change his mind not because he feels sorry for me). How can I do this whilst still leaving it open for us to remain friends if he really doesn't want me?2. If I can remain only friends (and only time will tell). How do I do this without getting hurt again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): I can see where this would be a very tricky situation. I don't know if this would work, but here is my suggestion. Go to dinner, and very confidently, without crying or regret, say something along the lines of "you know I had fun when we were dating, and you know I'm a little confused about what you meant when you said.....(etc, etc). I would try and be as calm and rational as possible and not get upset, because that will make the situation awkward. If anything, you two were friends first, and maybe you can go back to that mode just to figure out what the heck he was thinking when you broke up. Just be prepared, some stuff might be hard to hear. If it feels right, maybe you could go the step further and say "hey, we've been friends forever, and if this is how you want things to stay then I will be okay with that".
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (26 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, from your posting i realised that u seem really confused. will try my best to help you out.
If u still have feelings for him and u want him back as u indicated then i guess u just have to tell him when guys meet.He must have had time to think and i am sure he will tell u what the problem was in the relationship.Tell him u want him to be open and honest with u. but from your posting u said he indicated that he couldnt get past that you guys are friends. if my understanding is right this could imply he doesnt see u in the romantic way. Try asking him what he meant by that and if there is any chance of u guys ever getting involved again. he should let u know if u can only ever by his friends or there can be something more here.
If u two are just going to be friends then i suggest u keep the friendship and date other guys. If there is more then perhaps u can take the risk and give him another chance if u really love him.
All the best.
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