A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Been married a little over a year. We've been trying to have a baby for almost a full year with no success, which has been hard on both of us. Recently, my wife has taken to spending a lot of times with her co-workers, and has told me that it helps because it's a nice distraction from "us", meaning all of the stress we're under from trying to have a baby. I don't have a problem with this, but recently, things have began to bother me. Some of the events that occured: on a business trip to Vegas, she made out with another chick that her boss was hooking up with and had to be given a piggy back ride back to her room since she was so drunk (told her before that I would love to see this.. key word: see, but she knew I didn't consider it cheating). Last Friday, it was 2:00 am, and when I called since she said she wouldn't be home late, she fell asleep on the couch of a co-workers house (he just ended a relationship and needed to talk). She cancelled a trip we have taken every year for 6 years together so she could take a prep class, but insisted I still go alone. I used to be invited along to the happy hours since I used to work with her and know her co-workers, now I no longer get invited. We've discussed her spending this much time with her co-workers and how I now feel like I'm in "competition" with them. We planned a night out like we used to go (that she now does with her co-workers) but the night before, she was out late with her co-workers and was too tired to go out, so we watched a movie on the couch.She's going away for a week with the same co-worker she went to vegas with for another business trip. I met my wife as a co-worker and she was married. She left her husband for me (only married 4 months). I now feel like the same is happenning all over again, except this time, I'm the husband. Lastly, since she's come back from Vegas, 2 out of the 3 times we've had sex, she's asked for a specific act that she's never asked for before.Not really knowing what to do. She is under tremendous stress from trying to have a baby, and "my guys" check out OK, so she feels like it's her fault and she's a failure. I try not to make things worse by grilling her about going out with her friends, but at the same time I'm afraid that keeping it in will only make it worse.Really looking for some advice here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Even if a test is negative, she could still be pregnant. It can take up to 21 days from conception for a home pregnancy test to show a positive result. I assume you know this if you were going to a fertility doctor.. My 1st test was neg. and I knew I was pregnant, a week later I took another 1 & it was positive. All I am saying is that if she's trying to conceive, it's going to be harder if she's out partying. And she should be home with you, or inviting you out with her. I don't go out partying without my husband, and to tell you the truth I wouldn't even want to. I'm 26 & we have a 6 mo. old, we're buying a house that needs fixing up, we're a single income home, finances are tough, etc..but we don't try to fix things by going out without one another partying. That is disrespectful. And I still think you should walk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update after reading some responses. We have been going to a fertility doctor for a few months, and the nights out that are after a negative test are when she gets drunk. She doesn't drink (or only has a glass of wine) on the nights she's in the part of her cycle where she shouldn't be doing anything bad. When we're together, everything is fine. Perhaps I should have phrased my concern differently: all we do together are stress over baby, house, finances, etc. We no longer really have any fun together, but she goes out to have fun with her friends, where I haven't really kept friendships up much over the past 5 years, so I usually sit home while she's out. I guess that's the part that bothers me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): it seems to me she might be cheating on you and thinking since something is wrong with her and she can't have kids she wont get caught cause she can't get pregnant u need to talk to her about this and let her know how its really bothering you and if she does love u and want kids with u go to a fertility doctor and see if that helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): She is one of those people that will never be hapy in a relationship. She gets bored & wants to do other, more exciting things & even people. It should have told you what to expect, the fact that she left her husband of only 4 months to be with you. I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like she is considering herself single, and you do need to be very concerned. if she won't change (I'm guessing she won't) then maybe you should be out, & consider it a blessing that she hasn't gotten pregnant because then it would be a lot harder for you to walk away. If she had any self respect, she wouldn't be getting wasted all the time while trying to conceive at the same time. She should be taking vitamins, eating healthy, gettig a lot of rest, and NOT drinking or smoking, etc. if she is trying to conceive.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (15 October 2007):
She is acting like she is single. You are being treated like dirt. Take her to get counseling or your marriage may be ending. See a specialty fertility doctor if you have not done so yet.
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